[ life:revisited 2010 + 1 ]

I've been living it my way.
I've been living it for myself.
It's the things that you don't say,
about the way that I know you've felt.
Everything right in my eyes.
Two are one and as a whole.
Pour yourself into my life.
I can't feel without your soul.

Say that you'll find no one else.
I pray that you find nothing.
To tarnish the shine on what we've built,
Beneath you and I.
Living our lives
Evergreen.

I've been given the one thing.
I've been given the greatest gift.
I've been sheltered on my way.
Covered by all you give.
Greater good shines in my sky.
I bathe in its precious glow.
Grounded in the heart of life, I've got something that can grow.

Say that you'll find no one else.
I pray that you find nothing.
To tarnish the shine on what we've built,
Beneath you and I....

Not affected by the ever changing world around us.
We're protected by the things we share so deep inside us.
Say that you'll stay.....

We'll stay Evergreen.
Evergreen.

Say that you'll find no one else.
I pray that you find nothing.
To tarnish the shine on what we've built,
Beneath you and I.
Living our lives
Evergreen.

Well. Things have changed since we last conversed. I told the dickhead marine to take a long walk off a short pier, and I got a shiny, brand new job downtown. Same place. Every day. No more rolling around being somebody's bitch. I'll be the first to say that my new job is hard, and the learning curve is more of a vertical line, but my team is top notch, and they are helping me with the stuff I didn't previously know. This is a massive corporate environment, with offices all over the world. So we have to know if their devices work in Japan, in Australia, etc. And some of these users aren't stupid in the tech area, they know how shit works, so that puts a big burden on us not to look stupid when they bring in issues we have never even heard of before. But, like I said, the team is razor, the pay is even better, and the possibilities are currently endless.

It's funny how things worked out though. When I first moved to the city, it was like a desert wasteland in the job market sense, I took the one with the drill sergeant just to make some quick moolah. When I started looking again, same thing, but only for a short while. In the span of about 2 weeks, I had so many calls for jobs, resumes, and interviews, that I had to turn people down. But I got the job I wanted, with the perks, team, and possibilities for the future I was hoping for. But it's going to be a lot more work than what I am used to, more hours, more demands, etc, etc... But I think this is the only way to professional greatness. So I guess I will just keep on going till they fire me. Or promote me. Hah.

Other than that, things have been going well on the other fronts. Got friends that are pregnant, although I never stood the term 'we are pregnant'. The girl is pregnant, and the man is just trying to cope with her craziness. That's how it works. So fuck what you heard. Oh yeah, and I am a movie star now too, James Cameron called me the other day to star in 'Terminator 4: Even Shittier than the 3rd', but I turned him down because he wouldn't let me kick AAaahnold in the groin. I guess James didn't know the governor is a cybernetic organism. Oh well. Here are the links to tha flicks, I am sure you will enjoy, if you already haven't seen them:

~Cleanin House A.K.A The Night of the Living Refrigerators
~My Buddy: The Adventures of a Boy and his Best Buddy

These movies were created and produced by none other than the proprietor of DigitalMoutwash, so you know its always fresh to your family. Well, its about time for me to jet on out, the girlly's male parental unit and I are going to hit up a local Oktoberfest, while the rest of the family goes to see Annie. Yep, I think Russ and I got the big straw somehow. Peeces.

~DarkstaR out.

Had one of those moments last night. I don't know how many people have had these moments, but here's how they go: You just feel like you are walking this line. On one side of the line, everything you are used to, everything that is comfortable. One the other side, the unknown, the possibilities, the possible failures. Basically, its like this. What truly matters in a man's life? What defines him? What makes him not only a man, but someone real? I had this conversation with myself last night, what started as a mental note to strangle my boss to death next time I actually get near him, ended up with me really doing some soul hide-and-seek last night. I wondered if I had done everything wrong.

That burned.

I wondered if I should even be in Information Technology at all, if my problems at my job were not because my boss sucked, but because I was not able to adapt to his management style. Why didn't I try harder in school? Why did I do so many drugs? Has it really cost me my future? What have I lost, and when did I lose it? I mean there are so many people on this little rock hurtling around the giant nuclear fire at the center of our galaxy. Someone has to have had this same conversation. Someone who since they were small, thought they were meant for greatness, not just in the professional world, but in the world as a whole. I'm not even sure what greatness is, it just isn't this. The horrible truth is people fail all the time, people lose, but for the first time last night, I actually contemplated a scary fact. Was I one of those failures? Am I and all of my goals doomed to mediocrity?

Wish I knew. Wish I had an answer for myself. I am not, and at the same time I am whole-heartedly, a religious person. I talked to God last night, I am sure of it. He didn't talk back, because that is what makes those conversations/prayers great. Whenever you have issues like this, your friends try hard to make you feel better. But those attempts are usually in vain. Because nothing they say can truly make you feel better. God however sits in silence, and that, in your minds eye is everything you need to hear. So I guess things are about as ok as they can be after your mind gets in one of those self-emptying moods. I call them self-emptying because you empty the box of your mind on the table, and try to sort through all of its contents, looking for what you think you are missing, the one missing piece of the puzzle that you think will lead to the epiphany that defines you. But that doesn't happen, you are just left with more questions. Nothing ever fits back in the box the same way, so things are forever different in your mind. More uncovered questions. Would a new job really change things? Would going back to school actually change anything? I wish I was a philosopher-king, because then I would have the direction and drive to accomplish all that I think I am capable of. Lets face it, we are all adults here, and there cannot be a world full of astronauts, some people have to wade through others shit. So am I just learning my place? Or should I fight what place I have been pigeon-holed into? I just hope I don't wake up some morning, and all of a sudden I am 40, and still doing this. I think so many people have fallen into complacency with their lives just because it comfortable, and it pays the bills. This brings us full circle, for those of you that already haven't navigated away to YahooGames, to my beginning statements. I leave now to sleep, and hopefully to dream.

"Like the sharp edge of a razor, the sages say, is the path. Narrow it is, and difficult to tread."

Yep, I can finally say I have had a day off. 1st one in 3 months, but better late than never, right? Well, bitching and moaning about my job (and boss) aside, today was filled with CSI, machine rebuilds(mine), data recovery(for a good friend), and hopefully some Star Wars before the night is over (I'm thinking Empire, or maybe Ep. 4, but I dunno), and then I get to start the week over again, but this week is going to be different. I'm sure you are already on the edge of your seat asking why, so...

Its going to be different because the drill sergeant is out of the office this week.

AND he will be in a very limited cell/email communication area.
Oh glorious day.

Yep, so I will finally be able to support people without being scolded like a child when I don't know the answer to a problem right on the spot. So, 4 days of wonderfulness incoming, after a long weekend of seeing my best buddies and getting hammered. Not too shabby kids, not too shabby. But, I do what all people do when you see good stuff coming your way. Instead of thinking of the greatness this week brings, I am thinking about the week when the boss comes back. Why you ask? Because I'm human, and pessimistic. And I'm sure that week will be full of criticism and grammatically horrible emails filled to the brim with what I did wrong last week. So looks like I had better pick up some scotch when the paycheck clears. But that is next week, so I need to live it up this week, break out the maraccas and conga in the server room.

Well, I am gonna close this one up with a request from my loyal readers. I am really jonesing for some new, good movies. Theater, rent, download, whatever, just give me some suggestions for some good flicks. Enjoy. :)

Yep. Just in case you didn't know.

Well.

Here I am questioning my alcoholism level, as I nurse a glass of Chicago's finest merlot, and I review my life's choices. Anger vs. Calm. Etc., Etc., For the first time, I think that I am starting to change. Yes. This change is just like the post before. But before you worry, its a bit of a change. Its a change, but different. As a friend once said to me, every man is a moon; they have a dark side they hope no one sees. Well, for a time there, the dark side seemed to be the predominate side. Its hard to really refuse the dark side, everyone knows that. Shit, ask Anakin Skywalker. Everyone knows its easier to be angry and be the angel of revenge, than to forgive, and be the angel of mercy. Not a whole lot of people have the talent of being merciful, and forgiving the shortcomings of others that infuriate us. That is the definition of Grace. And some of my friends do have that. Which brings me to the point.

Maybe I do have mental issues. It is certainly possible. But tonight, even before I decided to partake in alcohol, I was thankful for my life. Yep. Just like Freddy Mercury, I realized that everyone is under pressure. And here is the point kids, so get the pens and paper ready, as I know you have sitting next to you as you read this (maybe you have the local phone book, flipped open to mental health providers instead, for me, but I digress). But here is the holy grail, fountain of youth, and excalibur for me.

I'm not crazy.

Yep. You heard it here first.

I may have some anger issues, but upon true reflection, everyone has an issue they are trying to deal with, and that makes me no difference. I made a big deal of myself, for whatever reason. I no longer believe I am as alone as I thought. I am an individual, for sure, I am different, without saying. But in being unique, I have realized that uniqueness is a relative term, because the unique do not always realize that there are others there that are similar, that may have more experience on the subject. Let alone books, movies, anime, and other stimuli that may help me understand the term 'unique'. So I guess that means that I am on the road to life. The road to recovery. The road to understanding. Maybe its age, maybe its divine intervention. Whatever it may be, things are-a changin. Yeah, sometimes I hate my job with the fire of a thousand supernovas, but I'm not the only one, and POOF! I just finally found something out about my situation.

I found out how to deal. Deal with myself that is. :)

So, without further ado, I leave you with this:
I love my life, I love my girlfriend, and I wish you....my kind of success.

Being crazy isn't all that bad, you just deal. Just like many of you, who I know are crazy, you are just better than me at dealing. Oh, and I love my friends too. :) And to anyone who thinks I don't think of you, think again. Crazy people think wayyyy to much. Heh. And finally, I wish you....

Good luck, and good night.

Yeah. I couldn't think of any other title to give this post. No flashy pictures, no angry epithets. I guess this is just where I focus when I need to escape. When I need to just break free of the restraints that we all know so well. So far this week, I have heard some ridiculous things. Running the gamut, is mainly the world ending, and a large million dollar law firm worrying about 3 phone calls. But those are both out of my control, now. I actually want my reader to close their eyes, and breathe for a second. Breathe deeply.

Let go. I mean it.

Just close your eyes, and try to concentrate.

Let the outside world fade for just a second.

Now, try to remember a time when you were physically exhausted. I mean every part of your body was sore. Hold that feeling. Now, the thing about the body being sore, is that it regenerates, it needs that exercise, in order to grow stronger. Now, clear that thought, and think about the last time you were mentally exhausted. Hard day at work, wherever and whatever you were doing, you are burnt. Can't think straight, you are just mentally drained. Same goes for the brain, the only way you learn are those hard days, the ones that tax you the most, the ones that bring you to your mental limits, and after, your intellectualism grows from that experience. But here is the rub, here is why I write. Remember the last time you were spiritually exhausted. Break up with a loved one, a death, etc.. You soul is not like a muscle, or a nerve cell. I feel, you only have a certain amount of emotional bad karma and events that can happen, before you become someone else, or change who you are. Your soul changes, it is a pliable object that can be influenced much easier than you think. But, your soul is a tough nut to crack, and actually in older societies and older generations, that nut was even harder, because they were bred and raised that way. Now, it seems that every day is a battle, your psyche the battlefield, your weapons are your resolve and your positive emotion, your attackers are the ones that wish to bring you to your emotional end, along with your physical and intellectual, because as soon as the soul is gone, the other two are cake. Two undefended towers that under that might and that strain, they fall like dominoes.

The reason I write this, is because I am sensing a change in the winds for me. I think all my bad karma, wrongdoings, and horrible, evil thoughts have finally caught up with me. They sit outside my apartment even now, and plan my demise. I just feel like I am changing from the upholder of morality and all that is good, to something else. Even now, as I sit with my small armada of cocktails, I know there is nothing that can save me, nothing can save you from who you truly are. Maybe I was this person all along, and everything from then 'till now was just a facade, and now after a few months of physical, mental, and emotional stress, the shield has finally breached. There was a time when the future for me was something that I woke and embraced, now, it is something that causes an uneasy apprehension in me. Don't interpret me incorrectly: I love my Amanda, and I love my friends. But is it wrong to think that they cannot save me?

I use to take things on faith. I mean scary, zealot like faith. Walking in traffic, seeing how many horrible, damning things I could hurl at myself, and I would still come out smelling of roses and Drakkar. Now is not the case. I use to wake up in the morning and be reborn, the events of yesterday were there, and I could address them accordingly, with restraint and intellect, and find solutions for the issues. Now, my mind is clouded, like the Lake I live so close to. Clouded with doubt and anger, with despair and hate. I don't really know who else to tell, except this God we all call the Internet now. To all of you that have read this, and who have EVER, EVER, felt true evil course thru their veins, felt its pulse, I just want to know that I am not slowly going insane. Because there are times when I feel the floodgates of my rage are being held at bay by the smallest of threads. I know this thread is my faith. Not necessarily my faith in God, but my all encompassing faith that there is some good left hidden in this world, and that it is not time to release the lock yet. Maybe I am crazy, and to all who read this, if you wish to distance yourself from someone whom you thought was a normal, sane human being, I will not fault you for it. So I guess this is it. And this end is so much like everything I encounter now. Pressing, important questions, without any true answers in sight.

-DarkstaR

So I have had some funny times in Wrigleyville/Chicago/IL/the world as I know it. Some have been funny ha-ha, others funny-strange. Recently especially, and I know I have effectively jinxed myself, but oh well, I'm sure that will just add more shenanigans to my life. So here we go. My job, well, my boss and I didn't(still may not) really get along, because he made me feel like an idiot, and didn't ever seem to pay me on time. That coupled with crazy commutes, made me start sending the old res' around for a new occupation. But now, I have a company Blackberry, laptop, and now he is joking with me and being cool. All this seemingly without any change from me. Now I may be speaking too soon, and he may go back to being the raging dickhead he was when I first started, but I think I am finally on his good side, because hey, who doesn't love me? :) Also, this past week, me and the girrly were walking down the street, skipping and singing, dropping daisies from our pockets(aka walking back from Walgreens with Milk, Drano, and mouthwash in the sweltering heat), and some crazy crackhead walking down the street with a backpack and no shirt gets like right in my face and stares at me. So naturally, I just get in his face and glare right back, and not move. He then bolts off around me, laughing and talking again. After we started walking again I thought for a moment, for those who have seen me in one of my "Destroy all humans" modes after drinking a fifth of Jack with a Jaegerbomb chaser, what I would have done in that situation if I had been knocking a few back. So then I was in the middle of that thought process, thinking what I would have used to cut up the body parts so Gil Grissom wouldn't be knocking on my door, and I stopped, and I was very proud of myself. Why you ask? Because of my behavior. I didn't decide to paint the street with this poor man's blood, yet I did not back down and showed no fear. I smiled internally, and I mentally put the bandsaw away. Hopefully the dude did get hit by a car later or something. This was a pleasant change for me. Maybe this means I am finally out of the stupid drunk stage I had run into so many times before. Or maybe I was just lucky that time. Just goes to show you, that sometimes chaos just happens right in front of you, like some type of controlled expolosion of the odd and uneasy. Its kind of like that feeling you get when you see a car accident. Its that worried about the people/scared just because/thankful its not you dropping feeling feeling in your stomach. And we need that from time to time, just to keep us honest. Well thats about it, time to get in the shower, and see what downtown wants to show me today. Maybe that lady singing about her drug habits in front of Wendy's, trying to sell free newspapers will be singing something different.

[Insert witty and/or poignant comment here]

[Laughter]

Yep, I was wrong, someone call Guinness. I was actually incorrect about something, and it was because I didn't listen to my gut. I'll get to that in a sec. Things have been going.....interestingly at the job, just because I learn so much about complete support/consulting every second. Like today, for example. When I showed up, there was nothing, and darkness covered the face of the deep. But I said "Let there be network." And there was network, and I saw that it was fucked up at first, and I needed to fix it, but after that, I saw that it was good. So I created hosts on that network, and configured them so they could see eachother and my network, and I saw that was also good. So the short of it is, I actually created something that multiple people will rely on for their business, and it fucking works. Pretty neat. That's what makes this job stressful, because between me and the bosses, we are the ones that are the support. Thats it, other than some technical reps for other companies. So the people I work with are pretty damn smart, and I thought I was a wizz kid. That was the first thing I was wrong about.

The second thing, and the most important, was that I wasn't going to enjoy the city. I finally found, when I was walking down Fullerton to my bank, that I knew where I was going, and I knew where I was in the world. Not like I had some personal epiphany, I just saw a map in my mind's eye, and I knew where I was, and where I was going. That was neat, and also this past weekend I saw John Digweed at Crobar. It was truly the best set I have ever heard, and that is a lot. James Lauer and Chloe Harris, they were all just fucking on, and they tore the house down. But my point is, that I actually enjoy this city now. I get it, and I am not leaving, its way to fucking cool. So thats about it for this post, I am crazy busy, but I will try to post more often. TO all my fans, I love ya. :P

Yep, the move to Chicago is complete, we are nestled in our cool 1 bed flat, which happens to be a block from Wrigley, and I start work tomorrow. It blows my mind how busy this city is. I haven't moved anywhere in 8 years, and getting used to certain aspects of the city is going to be hard. For example, driving into the city at 8pm on a Saturday night, when a huge outdoor festival is happening next friggin door and I have to drive for 2 hours to find parking. That burned. And this city can be a big money sink as well, but every place I have gone so far has been fun, and my stereotype of people being aggressive and angry are somewhat unfounded. In fact, everyone I have ran into has been extremely nice to me, so that is a shock.

The most interesting part of city life so far is Public Transportation. You can get anywhere by combination of bus, el, and on foot. The CTA must have rocket scientists on call 24 hours a day, and it can get complicated, but its frigging amazing. It's weird never really having to use a car very much, when all my life I am used to having a car. Its just....different. I haven't had much time even in this week off to actually explore the city, just because of trying to get utilities taken care of, old bills, DMV trips, blah blah blah, that I have been looking forward just to relax in the apartment for a few hours about now. There is also an abundance of crazy shops and places to eat and explore, and they are all pretty damn delicious. And the nightlife is outstanding, anywhere you wanna go is here. Wanna go sit in the shadows at a local pub? Done. Wanna go listen to DJ A, and then want to kill the people that mess with her sound levels? Done. Wanna go see some frat-tastic action and have some beer poured on ya? Done. :) So all in all I am optimistic, and I think that this place will begin to grow on me as soon as I can grow a sense of direction and find good parking :) More to come, trust me.

Yeah. To say things have been busy and hectic, is a frigging understatement. Chicago looms over me. Kinda like going to college feeling, ya know? I am excited to see and do new things, but figuring out how to get around, and learning the 'climate' of the city will be difficult. Couple that with trying to find my replacement for my job, going on interviews for new jobs in the city (and only finding stuff I 'kinda' like), cleaning and packing the old place, trying to find people to help us move our junk, makes me feel like X_X.

Don't get me wrong. **This means you girlly** I am more excited about seeing new places and getting a fresh start than you realize. It's the transition that is the painful part, and it friggin hurts. I know in hindsight this will all seem trivial, and we will look back and laugh as people do, but until then, I am allowed to be a little annoyed. It will be nice to sleep in our new place, and relax in a new setting. Working and playing in a new environment that is unbelievably massive. I will be the first to admit, I am a little intimidated by the city. I hail from something in-between a suburb and a rural town, with big buildings and farms not too far apart, and seeing the astounding ability of people to live in such close quarters, and take public transportation is going to be a change for me. That and learning where the hell everything is. So as you can see, my lack of posts is not totally from my burnt out mind, but from my hectic situation as well. On a good note, most of the old haus is packed, and I finally made it into the WoW guild I wanted, [Silent Legion] on Hellscream (US). Great group of people, and I'm sure nothing good will come of me being a member :) That's about it for now, I'm sure something will anger me in the future, so look for new posts.

Yeah much to most of your chagrin, I have not perished in a large fire or anything. I've just been super busy, and rather uninspired. Although this has been the longest run in ahwile I have not been inspired to write, I'm sure I'll think of something this week, or maybe even later today.

So, I recently got a speeding ticket, w00t. I was on my way to Culvers for a Butterburger Apocalypse, and I was going 45 in a 30 in a big intersection. Looked over to my right down a small street, and there was the fuzz. As I flew by, I knew, I was fucked, and that feeling is the worst in the world, because in that instant, you know that you are gonna have to deal with the cops. So he pulls out, hits the lights, and I pull into a nice parking lot, to make it easier for the five-oh to read me my rights. And then tase me. Because I like that.

The first thing Mr. Tibbs tells me is that I am on video, so my immediate mental response is to turn around and wave 'Hi Mom!', but I didn't. He asks me how fast I thought I was going, and I told him what everybody tells the cops, like 5-7 mph lower then what I was actually hurtling down the boulevard at. That way you just look stupid, and not like the liar you are. He told me I was doing 46 in a 30, so I said 'ok', because you don't argue with firearms. He then asks for my license and insurance. Here's where my little party goes south. A little backstory, I have had a speeding ticket.....just about every year I have had my license. But I have went to the class, a.k.a. Satan's asshole after buffalo wings, so the ticket wouldn't go on my record. So I figured I was good this time, just another 4 hrs of wanting to hang myself with a cordless phone. Or so I thought.

I get out my license, only to get hit with a mental flashback of earlier this week...... of me throwing out my old insurance card, and NOT getting the new one from inside the house. FUCK. So I act like I am looking around for something that doesn't exist to make me look more pitiful, so maybe he will take it easy on me. I tell him I can't find it, and he goes into SUPER POLICE ROBOT MODE. In his best Robocop voice, he tells me that I now have a mandatory court date to show my proof of insurance(which is on my fucking counter) to a judge, or pay 200 bones. He then writes me the other ticket for 45 in a 30, which I find out you cannot take the class for. Wunderbar. So he writes me the tickets, takes my license(which I am sure has a special reserve box in the Law and Justice Center), and gives me a fucking form that he wants me to send in to the state asking me how the traffic violation stop was performed, and if it was satisfactory. I have not yet sent in this form, because I need to confer with my colleagues over a few pints the best way for me to fill out this piece of toilet tissue.

I respect the police, and I know I was doing something wrong, that I am cool with. But a friggin survey on how the traffic stop was performed? I mean, tell me if its just me, but aren't they kind of asking for abuse here? Well, when I get my response figured out, I will post it for posterity's sake. L8r.

P.S. The dancers are taking a break, they are here Mondays and Wednesdays, don't forget to tip your waitress.

For your viewing pleasure, the Life:Revisited Dancers!!!

Ever wake up and just not feel like yourself? Like just shifted one unit out of phase, not quite different, but not quite the same.

Its weird, I guess I just need some fresh air, a new perspective on what I want to do, but I feel like I have gone to far to truly accept a change. Like I have come to far in my life/job/attitude to change how I do things, but I know a change has to be made. I just can't really find anything to lose myself in, and if you can't escape this world for a little while, then you are destined to be a lunatic. ~sigh~ I feel slightly artistic today, but slightly artistic for me is like Mike Tyson feeling slightly like reciting Shakespeare. It will most likely end in somebody getting thrown a beating. So I guess keep the sharpies away today. Its gorgeous outside, so of course I am cooped up in the office and can see only the slightest sliver of sunlight from the world outside my cube. It taunts me, not because of what I would be doing outside on this sunny afternoon, but because I know that if I was off work in this beautiful weather, I would prolly be watching a movie in my house. Typical me. Hearing people saying how they are leaving early today to do whatever they are going to do because of the weather makes me want to trip them as they walk by. Man, I am a ratty bastard today. I think I will just stop talking now before I hurt someone's feelings. Then I will feel bad, compounding my whole situation/mood. So just stare at the wonderful picture I made. Fuzzy.

I love to read :). From H.P. Lovecraft to Henry David Thoreau, Kurt Vonnegut to Richard A. Knaak, I have read many classics, and also many pop culture phenoms, such as Michael Crichton and Dan Brown. It is the latter that is the subject of this post. I have read all of Dan Brown's books. I was a fan of his style before DaVinci Code was even being advertised as a new release. I read Angels & Demons on a whim in O'Hare Airport, and I enjoyed it. I then read Deception Point and Digital Fortress, both ~ok~ novels, but nothing really in the same ballpark as Angels & Demons. Then I read DaVinci Code. I enjoyed it thoroughly, both for its semi-historical roots, and Brown's ability to draw so many aspects of a story into one point, and not lose anything in the convergence of the storyline. I recommended the book to many other friends, they read it and felt similarly about the work. Then a week or two passed, I moved on to an action novel by Matthew Reilly called Ice Station, and that was that. But apparently I was a little "behind the times".

I don't know how many of my readers (all 3 of them) pay attention to the reaction this book has caused, but its loyal readers and defenders are just this side of fanatics. But also the opposers are in the same boat, so its just another "Battle of the Crazies". Both sides' arguments are most likely logical, but the arguments are resting on one HUGE basic fallacy. IT IS FICTION NOVEL. As much as the conspiracy theorists (which I must digress, I am considered one, but at least I don't wear any foil hats) would love to believe that there are faults in religion's history, we do not know for sure. In addition, as much as the bible thumpers are calling this book heresy and Dan Brown the devil, they don't know how much of the backstory/history of this book is false. So, we are back to knowing jack and shit, and jack left town. I cannot say anything to solve this beast of an argument caused by a fictional work, except to say this book is supposed to be a fictional work, made to entertain the thoughts and exercise the mind, not to be taken as some controversial historical finding, which it seems to have become in the media and pop culture (which is, sadly, sometimes one in the same). This is not a good thing, I would rather see my money and time poured into archaelogical/palentological/liguistical/other-large-word historical research on this subject, but let the fiction writers write fiction, not history books. But that really isn't the issue, at least for me.

My biggest problem is the fact that after this book became such a runaway hit, and controversial topic, everyone thinks that writing on The Knights Templar, or the Holy Grail is now going to be some ground-breaking work that will gain the author the same fame. This is what bothers me about human nature, the propensity for some people to ride other's coat-tails to glory, or in this case, semi-stardom. Now you can't search Amazon without finding some book about religious conspiracy, secret societies, and the like. Also, I think the reason we are so hung up on grail mysteries and religious wrong doing is rooted in current, and semi current events. People losing faith in the Catholic Church, and Tom Cruise parading his Scientological involvement by beating down Oprah (I actually just think he is crazy, I think the Scientologists are really gonna regret signing him up) just to name a few. These societal effects, coupled with all of the incredible, absolute shit whe see on the TV and nightly news, have made other authors just not as inventive on new topics. Everyone is blinded by religious conspiracy, so I guess that they are only part to blame, because religious controversy is one of the only stimuli they are assaulted with. That, along with 9/11, SuperNanny, and Old Navy Commercials is what aspiring writers are given a barrage of if they happen to turn on the tube. I don't know. I am writing this just because I need some refreshment. I would love to see some new idea, some new goal of the American culture other than wiping out terrorism or watching Extreme Home Makeover. But, once again, I have no answers. I wish I could have a conversation with Plato, to get his feel on our society's climate and direction. Somehow I don't think I would like his answers.

Man, just when you think the users cannot possibly get any stupider, when you think, "Self, there cannot be any other people in this world who just cannot fathom that passwords DO NOT WORK when caps lock is on. It would be inconcievable that there is 1 more user after almost 6000 calls in my tenure, I must have somehow made a dent. Today will be different." But then you get into work. Your first call ends up being almost 2 hrs on how to create a powerpoint presentation. That being said, imagine trying to teach a monkey how to do that. That was my first call. It was then I knew, that today would not be easy or fun, but tragic and devastating. Ok think back to high school (and some of you, college) math and trigonometry. Remember the Venn Diagram? Its a diagram that shows the intersection of 2 independant fields of data in a visual format. Usually comprised of 2 circles overlapping and oval in the center. Here is a picture to jog your memory.



So, memories of late teenage mathematics later, that shaded area in the center is the intersection. Don't worry junior, I have a point, and here it is. Imagine A being the amount of stupid users I have. Harmless by themselves, they call on asinine issues, but they are like Sloth, kind and sincere, just stupid. In contrast, B are the assholes. The callers that are intelligent, but complete pricks to talk to, because they think they are of higher position/rank than you, and/or think they-are-your-boss-so-you-do-what-they-say-NOW. They will understand what the Start button is, they just will gripe and moan about how they are so-important, and their- business-depends-on-this-porn-pic-that-I-can't-access, etc, etc.... So. That brings me to the gray area, where the two collide, the absolute worst possible user. The stupid & mean one. Which I have been dealing with all day. Stupid people who don't want to know how to do their job with a computer and are angry that God himself has not come down from the heavens, stopping protecting Earth to unlock his Active Directory account. These people, for me at least, are making me attempt to create a new word, which would be more forceful than then the term: absolute loathing hate. Those users have clogged up my day, and have now made my day much, much longer, by making me look at the clock every 5 minutes. Mother Fucker. Oh yeah, and I scared a pregnant lady at work. God hates me.

So, last night me and the GrrlyGrl were up late, snacking on some delicious toasted waffles (yum), and we were watching the Discovery Channel. I love the Discovery Channel, and I also highly recommend it to anyone who wants to learn something, and also anyone who wants to see the about a million ways our planet can be destroyed in an apocalyptic event. Last night, the culprit was a mega-tsunami, created by a close to a trillion ton landslide from La Palma island, in the Canary Islands region. Its active volcano, Cumbre Vieja, would cause this landslide to break off from the island, and go crashing into the ocean. The resulting wave, as hypothesized by many scientists, would reach as high as 650 meters (thats 2132.55 feet) high, with an initial speed of 720 km/h (.....roughly 448 mph..omfg..). Yeah. Thats right. This wave would then rocket into the open sea towards, yep you guessed it, our east coast. In fact, it would reach us in about 8 hours. After that, we would still experience waves of 50km in height (about 32 ft) and the wave would move about 20km (about 12 miles) inland. Along the entire east coast. Ouch huh! I am just amazed at the dimensions of the disaster, let alone if its going to happen tomorrow. I went to bed amazed, and happy I live in the Midwest, with the New Madrid Faultline. :) Sooooo, at work today, I looked up what else was on the good ole' Discovery Channel, and I found that they should change their name to the Apocalypse Channel. Mega-tsunamis, Hypercanes, firestorms, floods, knives, sharp sticks...looks like Mother Nature is out to get us now. Guess we should have used hemp a little more then trees after all. The naked hippies were right! But in all seriousness, I really don't know what to think about the actual events these shows describe. I am amazed by the destructive power of nature, but honestly, what could we do? Katrina showed that some people we couldn't help, and others wouldn't let us help. If something like this happened, we would have like 6 hours to evacuate an area of roughly 24, 000 miles. Imagine trying to do just New York. New Orleans at least had a day or 2, ya know? I guess we would just go on, but we couldn't blame FEMA or the government of Louisiana, like some people are doing, we would just have to kinda shrug, and try to pick up the pieces I guess. All these shows have proven that as much as we know about technology and science, the movie was right. We don't know jack, and we are still helpless compared to forces of nature. Pretty humbling, huh.

Today fucking sucks.

irony: n. i-ron-y def'n:
Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs.
An occurrence, result, or circumstance notable for such incongruity.

I recieved this forward today, and I am currently doing some research on the factual basis of it, but I just thought I would post it. And all my friends wonder why I do not vote, and have no faith in the American "government", because I don't think we truly have any control anymore.

Think about this group of people, and what they represent.

- 36 have been accused of spousal abuse.
- 7 have been arrested for fraud.
- 19 have been accused of writing bad checks.
- 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses.
- 3 have done jail time for assault.
- 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit rating.
- 14 have been arrested for drug-related charges.
- 8 have been arrested for shoplifting.
- 21 are currently defendants in multiple lawsuits.
- 84 have been arrested for drunk driving within the last year.

Is this the NFL? The NBA?

Nope, its the 535 members of the United States Congress. The people that ratify laws and set poilcy for our country. Food for thought.

Yep, I'm sick, and I'm at work because I have so sick time to use, so this is a short message to teh uberfans I have. I haven't quit blogging, I haven't turned to the dark side and got a stupidass "MySpace" (fags), and I'm not dead (yet) so keep on checking the site. Just like the pics and the great Governor say, "I'll be back", or some shit like that. I'm going to drown myself in DayQuil and RedBull to see how many purple elephants I show up in my cube. Later.

I give wonderful worship to the caffeine lords of might, for letting me survive this morning. 4 large goblets of warm energy allowing me to smash my way through annoying calls, destroy my paperwork, and entertain myself for hours on end with websites such as this. Oh small molecule, you bring me such happiness, such joy. Oh! Look yonder upon thine hill! It is the penguin! He brings his wonderful mints of wonder! It is by these capsules of pure light and harmony that I can stand complete idiots calling all day long. Oh glorious day!!

What ho!!! Wait, there is more! I feel myself falling, almost asleep! What shall I do? Oh, of course!! Chai tea from downstairs shall allow me to vanquish the evil threat of lethargy. Its magical western energies allow me to do Tai Chi on top of my cubicle, and float in meditation while answering all of my support calls at once, yet none at all. Very Zen-like. I am at one with the caffeine molecule. It nurtures and protects me. All praise C8H10N4O2!! It is truly blessed. The next time you feel upset, down, suicidal, and down-trodden, do not fear! Do not fret my child! Go to the blessed temple of Starbucks, and plead with its clerics to alleviate your misery! If you are chosen, the warm, comforting aroma of the Liquid of Life shall surround you, absorb you, and bring you peace. Peace be with you. :)

Vengeance. Vindication. Revenge. Reprisal. Many Words. One Emotion. But what action?

Ok. Before you think "Oh boy, here goes another mindless rant by DarkstaR, someone call the local police and put his house under surveillance, and take all of his alcohol away", just read. I am not mad, persay, I am just examining a social construct we have all come into contact with at some point. I'm sure that at sometime, you have seen/heard/felt something that is so appalling or unbelievable that you really don't know how to act, you just cannot believe it. In your mind, different emotions and thoughts rebound, and your mind goes into primal response mode, because of the stimulus you have experienced. Emotions bubble to the surface, and any number of physical responses occur. One of those responses is to lash out against those that did the act. Hence the small blurb at the top. This act is known as vengeance.

I recently read this article on abuse of women in Middle Eastern countries. I was shocked as I read. I knew that women are considered of lower class in these countries, because of social history and religion. I do not confess to know the climate of their social structure, but as seen in other countries, including this one, everyone can see that women are men's equal. There are no real differences between the species, and the only ones that exist now are the ones that exist because of social and political viewpoints. I consider myself a fair and "enlightened" human male. I am not racist, sexist, and my only true bias is I believe our political structure can be a complete failure at sometimes, I hope it can improve, and God willing, or generation can help that. So you will see why this article angers me almost beyond words. Most people do know that in Middle Eastern countries dominated by Islam, which at its core and its meaning I have no qualms with, saying that women are not treated equally in those places is kinda like saying someone who was struck by lighting was feeling a bit "under the weather". Women are beaten, dominated, and not allowed to do anything without a man's permission or accompaniment. I think that if the man that did this was placed in front me, and my first thought and action were allowed to occur, the last few seconds of that man's life would be excruciatingly painful. And this brings me to my point. Not how angry I am, not what we should do to people that do this and truly feel it is their right, but who should bring vengeance? And please do it quickly!!!

I don't really quote scripture much on this blog, but religion is starting to mean a little more to me, just because I see problems on this earth that are so wide ranging and massive, that I think the only one who can truly right some of these wrongs is God. Here's what the boss says about vengeance: "To me belongeth vengeance and recompense; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste."

So I saw these commercials this weekend, and I about soiled myself. I also have some video of one off to the right there (actually got it to work!) so enjoy. St. Patties was fun and heavily inebriated, green beer and scotch did flow like the great Mississippi. I fell over my couch, and the rather leprechaun-ish Grrly gave her business card to a bunch of randoms, because they said they were going into "PR". :D Well, since I am in such a good mood, and I am amused by this commercial and other things. I am going to make a list of cool things that are the shiz. So here is the best list ever.

Yeah I haven't been that motivated to post lately. Tech work coming in from all sides for me to handle, and balancing that with a woman, friends, and a much gaming as I can fit has made me a very busy boy. Got to hang out with the Tight Shirt Man last night, it was glorious, like the old days. If you don't know, don't ask, but let it bug you. A lot. I was wondering today exactly why St. Pattie's Day is like a drunk's Christmas without having to worry about the family. What made this saints day such a debacle? This saint that was captured by the English in Ireland for ministering, he then escapes, walks 200 miles up the coast, has a vision of converting the whole of Ireland over to Christ, and nowadays the Protestants and the Catholics on the island don't "get along" so well. By "get along" I usually mean their main form of communication to eachother is the explosion from a car bomb.
So what the hell? What made this holiday become what it is? Well, ah fuck it, I'm going to drink some whiskey. And knock yer ass out, then I'll sing about it. "Oh, the night you said my girl was fat, I knocked you down and shit in your hat." What was I saying again?

Everyone has failed at something, right? Like not just forgetting to pick up milk, but I mean failed a task at a job, or something of the like, where you just feel like a horses ass, and even though there is nothing you can do to correct the problem at that time, you still try every avenue, knowing they will fail. And not just a small crappy issue, but something of medium importance? Is it just me? Damn it. I feel like the JPL/NASA programmer that programmed the first Mars Lander in feet, when every other piece of equipment was programmed in meters, and then watched a couple million dollars of hardware and work bury soundlessly in the Martian soil at terminal velocity. I know my mistake isn't that earthshaking, and I'm sure I will make more, but I am a perfectionist when it comes to my field. I can sense my mothers obsessive-compulsiveness creeping up on me at times like these. I hate it, it taunts me when I think, just silently nagging," You fucked up, nice fucking job idiot, now everyone will think you are a complete fucktard. Idiot, idiot, idiot." Drives me nuts, and I am posting because I can't friggin sleep, with that shit running through my mind. If I go in a quiet room, those thoughts will assault me, and I will just stew, and try to find all the things I should have done. Maybe I'm nuts, but I can't help it, trust me I've tried. I just can't seem to do things as well as I envision in my perfect little mind. I just don't have the "Well, its good enough" gene in my body for certain things, especially when my intellectual or professional reputation (yeah I know its not much) is on the line. Well, time to go try to sleep, tomorrow is gonna be a fun one. I will need some drinks tomorrow night, so anyone in the immediate vicinity, time to get thirsty. I'm out.

Two posts in one day, amazing huh? I guess the last one doesn't really count, even though it was wonderfully thought out. Picture this owl as me, on the phone with one of our vendors, listening to him lie about how they don't do onsite service for certain hardware, even though I will hang up with him, call back, get a much more intelligent droid, and get the laptop's LCD screen replaced. Joy.

I actually had a spot of good luck, with my raise at work here. So thats a bonus. Literally. And the OT doing network intrusion detection/prevention will be a learning experience. But, still no Lightforge gear on my 6o Paladin, and barely anytime to play the game stated in the post below. More joy. Guess things could always be worse, right?

I have a suprise birthday party this weekend, So we get to go drink and bowl, and we all can laugh at him being old. At least I can for the next 5 years. Man, the old days of being young are fading into the new days of being old. I guess thats the way of things, as I fade into using cliches and quotes to cover my angst about my age. Well, back to the phones, at least for a few more hours. Maybe I can get a little playing time in tonight, but its looking bleak. Oh noes.

More WoW love. I am getting slapped when I get home. /cry

Yep, the wine and cheese tasting event the Grrly and I had went off without a hitch, save for some drunken idiocy at the very end, which was negligible. Our shindig allowed old friends to chat again, and a Scrabble date was made for the next night. Scrabble! How long has it been since anyone actually played that? On the day of the great Scrabble tourney, we had enough gourmet cheese leftover, I had a Gruyere and smoked Gouda grilled cheese sandwich, it was delectable. It was also the most expensive grilled cheese ever made in the continental United States. But then came the time that shall remain in history.


So the day of the Great Scrabble Apocalypse was upon us, we traveled to ground zero, and the epic match began. Teeth gnashed, brains smoked, babies wailed, pizza was eaten. The house shook violently with the combined intellect of the combatants. God himself opened the heavens and looked, and a single tear fell from his eye, because he knew. He knew this Scrabble game was the greatest ever played, and no one would ever see the likes of a match this epic ever again.

BUT ALAS!! Victory was not in the cards for the Grrly and yours truly. The opponents were too strong. The leader of the opposing team was well trained in Scrabble-Fu, and her Scrabble-Fu was greater than ours. So as the final letter was placed, the earth split in two, thunder and lightning rocked the skies, prophets foresaw the end of days!!!! It was a spectacle to behold, and the Grrly and I left the battlefield, with our heads hung in shame. But fear not, reader, fear not!!! There will be another day, when the monumental battle shall begin again, and your heroes shall drown the opposers with the fire and brimstone of our intellect, and the day will be ours!!! VICTORY SHALL BE OURS!!!!!

So yeah, that was fun, we made a date to do it again sometime. That and I have to help Jeff repair his house from the damages caused by our intellect, and the whole "earth splitting apart" thing. I thank all that showed up at the casa de grlly y estrella de oscuro. It was a really fun time. Until next time, farewell!!!



<------OMGWTFBBQ?!?!?!



**UPDATE** So yeah apparently blogger crashed again, no one could see my blog!! I received thousands of emails asking if something was wrong with it, so there may be some publishing issues. Hang with me, I am going to contact ole' blogger now, hopefully its just some unscheduled maintanance.

Man. I have the worst luck, aside from people that have cancer. And of course, the Jewish. I now owe the gov't 200 bones because my old job, Sprint Faggot Assholes Inc., screwed me yet again, when will the fun stop. Couple that with the flu, dealing with complete fools every single day, losing my absolute favorite black shirt somehow, even though it only could have vanished between the couch and my FUCKING CAR, not making enough money to keep my head above water, and when I do make enough, something gouges me like our worthless asinine government run by the biggest fool ever born, some asshole hitting my car and scraping it, and the list goes on.

There is a great post by the GrllyMonster about luck that is pretty insightful, prolly her best post yet, defintely check it out. But I digress. So as I was reloading my Mossberg 935 and taking aim at another person who tries to access a porn site and wonders why its blocked, I read this great post by Girlly, and it put some things in perspective. Yes, I will concede that there are people in this world who have it much worse off. So what am I supposed to feel? Should I just be happy when bad shit happens, and say, "Thank God I don't have Leprosy!" or something? I do feel for people that are in situations that they have no control over, but I also am allowed to be raving pissed about my shitty situation as well, so to all the hungry in Pakistan, I feel for you, but I am not sending you any damn food, because I CAN'T AFFORD POSTAGE TO SEND IT TO YOU.

Well, I am at work, but its taking all of my energy just to work here today, so no good blog posting today like I said, : ( oh well, so to the 3 readers that actually follow the site, I apologize. I will post again this week when I feel emotionally and physically better from the effects of my surgery, loss, and other issues. Thanks for playing.

Oh, and yes I did mean to capitalize the last 'R' in DarkstaR, it's my nickname, I can spell how I want. :)

Well snowboarding was unexpectedly cancelled this weekend, due to a family loss. That coupled with my surgery, and the nice flu bug I happened to catch early Monday morning has made this weekend......lets just say less than fun.

So I have to go to a wake today, which I am not pleased to do. No one ever likes to do this, I know, but it makes me very uncomfortable, dealing with human mortality. During this time, you can't avoid death, can't think about something else, you know then clearly and plainly that we are all going to die. No romantic or heroic thoughts, just the plain fact that we are mortals, and that is it. Mortality is our greatest weakness, but it is also our greatest asset. If we lived forever, nothing would be special, nothing would be one of a kind, love and things of that nature wouldn't matter as much as if we were all immortal. So I guess this is the way of things, and all we can do is just try our best to deal and do the best we can in life. Because it can, and will, change in a heartbeat.

More to come on Wednesday, after I have this god-forsaken surgery. Later.

Drink: Jack and Captain and Coke.
Soundtrack: The Youngsters - Smile (Sasha / Involver)
WoC: My lack of Lightforge Spaulders. OMFG.

Yep kids, take a good look. This will soon be me. Whether or not I land without causing grievous bodily harm to myself and/or others, that is up to Mother Nature, and how nice she feels like being when I hit the powder. Considering I haven't strapped up since my Senior Year in HS, it may turn out to be the Winter Special Olympics Tryouts in the Quad Cities. I should take a before and after photo, because those of you that have snowboarded (and went with pussies who skiied), you tend to come back with a few more bruises then you started with. And I'm not as flexible as I once was, so this may end up looking like Anna Kournikova trying to drive an 18-wheeler. Hot and sexy, but on the road to destruction.

In WoW news, (yeah you know you want to hear it) the guild I am becoming affiliated with finally downed Ragnaros, one of the single most toughest runs in the game. Kudos to Silent Legion, Xedius, and those who were there. I wish I could have been, but I was busy not winning the gear I need. I hate you Dmitri, if you stopped to think for 1 second before sticking your sword into something, we wouldn't have died twice last night. I guess me and Loly need some form of a challenge, which is, strangely enough, keeping your ass alive. But enough of that, you tosser. Here is a pic of what Rag looks like, and yes he does eat his Wheaties.

Heh. So snowboarding should be a total hoot this weekend, considering I am going with my arch-nemesis Z3roP4ntz, be afraid. I will let everyone know how it goes, especially if any hospital trips or Holiday Inn hijinx occur, which I am sure they will (evil grin). Oh yeah, the mango habanero sauce at BW3 is delicious, but caused me to destroy a toilet this morning, there were no survivors. Now you can go about your business. Move along.

***Update*** ***Update*** ***Update***
Swiss researchers have made a startling discovery in human health!! Check it out!!

Augh. 3/4 of a bottle of Jack Daniels and 5 hrs at work are making me a tired, tired boy. But I can play WoW when I get home, hopefully go pick up my Lightforge Spaulders tonight (hope hope hope), so when I get home, it will be another night of WoW and movies, and 1/4 of a bottle of Jack. I guess that you have to finish what you start, or it makes you a quitter. And I'm no pussy.

The natural order must be restored.

Well someone call Lucifer, and tell him to put on his little warm booties and hat, its gonna get cold down there. Why you ask? Because, there is actually going to be a serious, un-biased (as best I can), and informative issue talked about today that I think is pertinent to the way we all live our lives. Whether it is shopping, paying bills, or just trying to relax and fit in a few hours of WoW, what do we use everyday? What could be this wide sweeping? Did you read the title of the post?

Tiered Internet. In the articles I am going to link here, you will see some different definitions, but I will try to break it down here a bit. "Tiering" the internet is changing the service levels, download speeds/amounts, traffic types, and filtering content of the Internet and offering it at a different price. **Sort of**. There are many different ways that the tiering would be implemented, and there are many facets to the issue, some that are acceptable, and some could grow into a monster. This idea has been around awhile, and the major players seem to be a large collection of ISPs (Internet Service Providers, they are the companies we pay to access the Internet, such as SBC/AT&T, Verizon), content providers (Such as Google, AOL, Microsoft), and government agencies.

As you can see, there are some heavy hitters involved, with a lot of money to be made or lost in this situation. The beef is essentially this: The ISPs are unhappy with the way their provided services are being used (VoIP, Video Streaming/Downloads, Torrent clients, etc.), and are also looking toward the future usages of the connections to the home (Higher speed fiber, medical and home diagnostic/security applications, etc..) are are proposing to change the service levels of the internet to adapt to these situations, to basically change the way the service is paid for, when different applications are involved.

Now, as you can see, there are bonuses to this situation:
- Medical applications in the home / Home electronic device convergence
- Deliverable Quality of Service (QoS)for some applications
- Faster connections, HD streaming, and improved applications for the "tier" you are on.

There are also some big negatives:
- Blocking of content that is currently being used such as Vonage, Torrent clients/streams, and possibly websites that do not adhere to Terms of Service for your "tier"
- Bandwidth and content download/access caps for websites, files, and applications
- Higher pricing for services we already are using

Now, I am personally against this initiative, because of what I believe the Internet is, and what it represents. I see the Internet as the last free refuge on planet Earth. People from all walks of life, cultures, languages, and creeds can go there and speak their peace on religion, politics, and government, and when they are done, I can buy some Anime DVDs from them on eBay. It allows for free exchange of ideas, without censorship. Now a lot of die hard right-wingers will bring up the terrorist hype. If a terrorist wants to bad mouth the U.S., and say how bad we Americans are, fine, I don't give a shit. I just won't look at his website, just like I don't look at Nazi rhetoric webpages. Now as soon as those organizations use the site as a clear center of a threat, and violent acts arise from it, that is different, and should be given to the courts of the world to decide, and that is another issue. But what if that was circumvented? The Internet has brought wonder, anger, laughter, and sadness to almost everyone in the world. As soon as we change that access, in order for companies and organizations that are already making money hand over fist at our expense, I believe censorship and control of the Internet will no longer rest in the hands of the government (an already questionable group, I know), but since webpages and content will be filtered by the ISP, and that will "theoretically" depend on your "tier", we are handing over censorship control to companies, and they already control enough. As much as I hate terrorism, hate-speech, and pure stupidity, I will still let those people and organziations speak, because it is a human's right to say what he wishes, as long as those words cause no physical harm or death. Verzion censoring webpages for whatever reason they please, citing that you have to pay in order to see them, or maybe not be able to see them at all is something I have a problem with! I have very little love and trust in the government, but I will take endless debate in the government about these issues, instead of suddenly not being able to access something I use because of a "tiered internet" solution. I know that this may sound a stretch, and I realize that, but this idea is just theoretical now, and I would like to hear other views on it. Please comment with what you think on this issue. I am also going to include some links to different articles on this issue. Enjoy, and please comment.

Links:

ArsTechnica:
http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20060117-5996.html
>http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20060112-5965.html

NewsWeek / MSNBC:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11433420/site/newsweek/

Freepress.net:
http://www.freepress.net/news/13287

Slashdot.org / Article on the Nation:
>http://yro.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=06/02/02/1926257&from=rss

Drink: Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha, no friggin whip cream.
Soundtrack: Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood :)
Weapon of Choice: A Compaq EVO D300v

Don't really have too much to say today, same old grind, different day. Get to go snowboarding this weekend, even though I haven't strapped up in about 5 years. So it will be fall-on-my-ass time, and it will be glorious. I figure I will need a few drinks before I get on the lift, just to warm me up a bit. Only bad thing I can bitch about here is I get to have another surgery on the 28th, yayZor. It is the most uncomfortable and least wanted thing I wanted to do on Fat Tuesday, but when everyone bugs you to get it, I guess a few hours of crap and IV's are better than months and months of nag-tastic goodness. One thing that did piss me off last night though was.....

Anyone ever start something that they thought was going to be like an hour project, and then it turns into a 5 hour debacle? I did last night, it was the most complicated HD replacement, re-install and restore process in the history of computer tech. I won't go into it here (holy shit rly?) but I was fuming last night, enough to force me to have a few glasses of wine, which dulled the anger and prevented me from trashing the machine. That and being 432 in Hellscream's server queue (WoW talk for I was in line for 35 mins just to play a video game, OMFG) just about made me put a hole in my wall. But I was able to contain myself, like most always (Don't care what you think Anna or Grrlie) and the machine is 80% ready, after I pick up another piece of hardware to complete the process.

So that is about all that is going on, nothing earth-shattering, the grrlie-monster is leaving for a conference for 2 days, so I will be making love to World of Warcraft, and working on more machines. That sounded kinda gross actually. But after she gets back, I get to hit the slopes, or more likely, the slopes get to hit me. Hasta!

Drink: Twinnings Earl Grey Tea, hot (no nutmeg, you idiot)
iPod Track: James Lauer Live in Vegas - Opening Set for Crystal Method (w00000t!)
Weapon of Choice: My renewed contract.

Yep, you can take your finger off the button chief, call off the bombers, my contract did finally get renewed. 2 weeks before I would have cleaned out my cube. Nothing like waiting 'till the last minute to make the already slightly crazy person kick into high gear.

/* BEGIN SUPER STRESSMODE - AQUIRING TARGET..... */

But the tragedy was averted, and with a praising email from another supervisor, and a warm smile from my boss, I still am gainfully employed.

/*END SUPER STRESS MODE - CATTLEPROD HAS BEEN DEACTIVATED */

That and after about a bottle of wine with the grrrl (after I cooked a marvelous dinner) I have decreased my stress level a significant amount. Thank god, the stress creeping up my neck earlier this week almost made me hang myself in my cubicle. So I can actually be magnanimous, like I want to be, but most of the time cannot because stupid people drive me slightly insane on a daily basis.

So I am semi-relaxed and being studious today, so if you want to ask me for money/computer help/help burying the bodies, today would be the day. No guarantees about tomorrow.....

Drink: Nothing, haven't wanted to move yet
iPod Track: James Lauer - Rapid Transit Mix
Weapon of Choice: Penny Arcade Comics (see image :) )

So, today at work, I have taken 3 calls, and sat here, surfing, and listening to my iPod. I felt kinda guilty, because I wasn't working. But there really isn't anything for me to do when no one calls, I should be studying for my CCNA, but that has all the appeal of getting my nuts chomped on by a toothless whore. Uncomfortable.

But I looked around, and the other peeps in my cubicle ocean are chatting it up, just milling around, so I feel a bit better. But I am a contractor, and the ole contract is up at the end of the month, and if I don't get extended, I will have to sell my car, and prolly go back to giving hand jobs in the Olive Garden parking lot. Well maybe not sell my car, but you know what I mean. So what do I do now?

I guess I pop back on my headphones and keep jamming out. I did get 3 episodes of Mythbusters AND Ghost in the Shell on my iPod, so I can always watch those to kill the rest of my day, so I am going to tune out again.

Beverage: H2O, and the Cherry Coke from yesterday :(
iPod Track: Pharcyde - Runnin
Weapon of Choice: My angst and expiring contract.

Remember when we grew up a long time ago? (Well, some longer than others, lol) What is the most you remember about being say 13? 17? 21? Think about it for a second.

Year 13: I remember playing outside all the time when I was young, just screwing around with friends on my block, riding bikes, just being hooligans, but not the bad ones. Just stealing chrome tire air caps, and playing football on the school fields. Never really wondered what I was going to be, but I was always good with electronics and Construx. So I would build stuff like air ducts to direct the A/C to actually blow on me at night, and manufacturing devices that would give people little jolts if they tried to open my bedroom door without asking. Still getting rides to school, and playing junior league football, feeling about as uncool as possible compared to the "High Schoolers". My goal was to have as much fun as possible, and be cooler.

Year 17: Started getting into computers a bit, and following my electronics heritage, I overclocked my first IBM PS2 33Mhz, and forgot to cool it, got a new one under warranty after it went kaput. :) Remember just driving around in the Cougar, thinking smoking was cool, doing just ok in my classes, enough to get by, and still have enough time to play Tecmo Super Bowl III on SNES, and Final Fantasy 7 (eventually) on the PS1. Thought about becoming a script/ storyline writer for RPG video games, or even (gasp) work for a computer manufacturer. How improbable!!! There was this service called AOL that I used, and got my Dad's acct canceled for "phishing" others acct info. Just had to pay the extra usage charges, and no criminal charges were filed. Hack the planet!! (Thank god that isn't nowadays, or I would be in the Penn) My goals at the time were to have fun, and try to lose my virginity (that came next year).

Year 21: Big move to ISU was complete about 3 yrs ago, in a fraternity with no dough except what my measly job at the food court brings me, and when the fam shells out the scratch. Went to C-U a lot to visit the manchild that would evolve into the Underdog, and listened to a lot of good DJs. The thing I remember most about my 21st B-day is that when I bought 2 kegs and hard alcohol, there was like 4 people there. I went to my room for a sec to play more music, came back out, and there was like 100 people there. It was interesting. My PII 300Mhz was running my school apps and C++ programming stuff interestingly, since most of the code wasn't even mine (whoops, degree revoked x_x) Was hoping at the time to get out of college before I was 30, and work as a network administrator for a semi-large company. By goals at the time was to have as much fun as I could, and try not to crash my car.

Interesting how things change. And how fast, and with such magnitude.

Year 25: I now work for an IT staffing firm at a large insurance company doing troubleshooting for their workstations, and I am underpaid (like I am the only one). I work M-F, and I have a new car, a nice place, good friends, a great girlfriend, and I am still unhappy. I thought tech work would be my field, thought it would carry me into the next years of my life, making enough money to get by, but nothing extravagant. How much more wrong could I be? I don't want a million dollars, I just want enough to pay my bills, and maybe go on a cruise every year with the gurl. I don't want Escalades and ice, just enough to pay on my Altima and get a Ring Pop every once in a while. Now I am moving to the city, and I don't even know if I want to pursue the IT field. I don't have many choices, since I need income to pay for the things I have, and IT is what I have experience in. So I know how much I need to survive, I just have no idea what I want to do. I used to be good at building things, so maybe I should go into construction contracting. Rewarding work right, but money? Advancement? My goals.....I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE!!

I'm tired of having no direction and no luck in my life. I don't want to be uber successful, I just want to have my head above water more than one friggin week. I am tired of hearing my parents say "I am only 25" when half of the 25 year olds and similar ages I know are in semi good jobs with good security, and have an idea of what they want to do. I am just tired of not being content, and doing what I don't want to do, seemingly all the fucking time. I want a job that is tolerable, not fun, just ok to work at, enough to know that it is a friggin job. I know there are people in this world that are worse off than me, to a degree that should make me guilty posting this type of rant. But my life is MINE, I can relate to those others, and I know things could always be worse, but I can't go thru my life thinking that I should just settle because "things can always get worse".

Well, there hadn't been any crazy posts for awhile, so you all knew this would happen. Enjoy, I guess....

Drink: Slightly warm Cherry Coke.
iPod Track: Beastie Boys - So Whatcha Want?
Weapon of Choice: My piece of shit Sprint phone.

Yeah, so same old same old at work, just another day of being interrupted from listening to my iPod by callers with user error problems. Chicago was cool, got see people I have missed, it was nice relaxing and listening to some classic vinyl. Was just a taste of things to come when me and the gurl move up there to wreak havoc upon the Windy City. Be afraid.

Yeah, so Sprint shut off my cell because I was 4$ over the acct spending limit, those assholes. I guess because I worked for them, they think that raping former employees is a fun activity. Bastards. Remind me to always to pay that bill on time, so I can wait out this pissy contract and go with someone else. Gh3y.

Going back to work after a semi-long weekend is weird, isn't it? You get back, you still know what you are doing, but everything seems weird, cuz you were just there, knowing what was going on everywhere, but you get back and you feel like "WTF did I just miss?" Maybe its just me, oh well. I am just a odd duck, I guess. :) Found out why I couldn't post too, looks like Blooger is having some issues with their servers. Eh, it happens, it was just weird. They have been real good about uptime though, and its a free service, so no bitchin from me. Well, back to the phones and problems, and waiting for the weekend. L8r.

Holy shit........yep its official......NO ANGER OR ANGST in teh post?!?!!! Must be those blue pills...... x_x

WTF????!!?? oh N03s!!!! Whatever shall I do?

Well time to drink more.

Well, finally a friggin day off, and I have to go to the doctor. Well, at least I get an extra day to screw around and not do work. And I get a free trip to Chicago out of the deal, pretty nice.

Well, its about time to finish up work here for the day, go home and do some more work, and then let the good times roll. Sort of, in a doctorial, annoying sort of way.

Well I guess I am a follower, I redesigned my blog. Now, as most of you know, I am somewhat of a techie. Aw hell, I am a full blown gamer geek. But there comes a point in a techie's life where they can sense technology passing them up a bit. The genesis of HTML is one of those areas. I remember making my first webpage, and it was horrible. Ghastly. Now there are ways to cook up a damn good site faster than you can say methamphetamine. CSS, XML, Javascript, all tech that I never learned in skool, but I have slight working knowledge of them now, just from working with this blog. I hope I can get better at this type of design, and one cool link to check out with web design is css Zen Garden.


But, for all of you who are wanting to do some redesign, google blog templates, or check my links area. All cool stuff, but be careful, you can screw things up pretty quick. Trust me, I know. My little chicky is heading out to Nashville for a big conference this weekend, leaving me to trash the house and throw up all over my clean kitchen, so that should be a fun time.. :)

Also, get to go finally see James Lauer at Vision in Chicago, with Underdog and Annette. Rock and Roll. So I am super pumped, considering I will be in that area soon, I need to learn as much as I can about the city.

Well that is about it, test out the new layout and comments, and email me if there are any weird things goin on. Enjoy.

P.s. When Chuck Norris was being born, the nurse screamed "Oh my God its Chuck Norris!" He then had sex with her. It was the third woman he had sex with so far.

I'm what you call, a "Professional babbler".
Yeah I'm in a bit of a rut today, not feeling too well. The moms is coming down tonight to have dinner with me, and she is bringing my uber-late Xmas present, my new iPod. Who knows, maybe there will be PodCasts in the future for good ole L:R.


Just some more fun stuff to learn about with tech and science. How quaint.

Ain't technology grand?

Get to go to the ole Club de' FunnyBone this weekend, I believe most of the clan here in B-N will be in attendance, should be hilarious, or I will drink until Captain Picard asks me to play ping pong, then it will be hilarious.

Nothing like some totally random text to make me in a bit of a better mood. I have been watching a lot of Mythbusters lately, just because I am a science/engineering/blow stuff up aficionado, and I began to think of all of the work it takes for them to do some of the experiments they do. They make it look so simple, like MJ made hoops look simple. They just woke up one morning, and said, "Hmm, I wanna make something that can shoot a chicken through an aircraft window at 130mph using 200psi." A few days later, said poultry is not only absolutely hilarious, but doing something scientifically beneficial. Also, makes me wonder what JPL is doing over there, with more hardware and brains then the Mythbusters are ever going to have. Sorry Adam and Jamie, but I think they may be smarter, but maybe they just aren't having enough fun to build some cool shit that can fly into space.

To end my little postie here, Life:Revisited will be undergoing some aesthetical changes, to make it a little more unique in the blog world. Underdog has remodeled his blog rather wonderfully, check out the link over dere. Well, until next time, may you not do anything that makes you combustible.

Yep. The great author Henry David Thoreau said to simplify life. If only he knew how complicated the world would become after his lifetime, he would probably simplify his life by having a stroke after seeing today's world. Everything is so intertwined: Personal relationships, job issues, money issues, health problems, family matters, and all the host of other things that assault you in your daily routines. It can almost be overwhelming when you get home and try to write checks for the bills, only to see that you forgot to order checks. Goodbye calm, hello postal.

Most of us today do not have any way to truly simplify, so no amazing knowledge from me. I can't just move to a state park somewhere and live off the land. I happen to be a techgeek, so no electricity make Homer go something something. Crazy? Don't mind if I do. But at the same time, I have complicated my life with so much inane crap (see Z3ro's blog posting on the side links), that its hard to concentrate on what matters, or even truly know what does matter! WTF?!?

I see other people's lives, and I think they are wayy easier than mine, as I am sure we are all guilty of. But my logic tells me that they are in the same short bus I am, and they have just as many issues, they just happen to hide it better, or I don't see them when the fecal matter hits the rotary oscillator. Hopefully I appear the same way, or I must look like I am stark raving mad sometimes. I wonder if this is the same for everyone else, or am I just being neurotic. Or maybe just more neurotic than usual.

Well, at the risk of turning this into a "What does it all mean" or a "Life is...." post(which I am sure will come in the future anyway), I will settle for this post hopefully making you think about simplifying life to make it easier. No, not by buying an iPod or PDA, but just to make you think. Hopefully it did not make anything more complicated with you, so I leave you to think about simplifying, and any good ideas, you know where to stick'em.

Drink: Going to get more icewater.
Soundtrack: Brand New - Quiet Things that Noone Knows.
Weapon of Choice: My uncomfortable office chair.

Man. What a worthless day. I woke up this morning not wanting to talk to anyone. Mainly because I woke up to a country radio station, and my sluggishness is what barely saved my alarm clock's life. Couldn't find a good parking spot at work, so I had to make my own by crashing through the foyer(not really, just had to park far away from the door). Now I sit here, another day of listening to people's asinine issues(albeit once in awhile, I will get a genuine issue), wishing I was somewhere else. Ahh the helldesk, in all of its glory.

Upside is I did get paid today, so I can survive for a little while longer, and finally eat something other than PB&J for lunch, which I have been eating every day for lunch for about 2 weeks. Burger King? Subway? Dare I even think.........Steak & Shake? Yeah. I'm excited for Steak & Shake. Just hit me now.

It's probably just me, but today is one of those grey days. Nothing horrible is happening, but I am not screaming how much I love my life from the rooftops today. Yeah, and for those of you that know me, you guys are probably thinking that I need one of those "Terror Alert" color guides for all of my moods, considering they will most likely change daily. "Well, today is a Blue day, no Red, now its Black!" Watching me wander thru today is like watching Stevie Wonder try to drive an 18 wheeler. Funny, and yet tragic. But with no good soundtrack or sunglasses.

Well, back into the fray of people that are whinier than me(hard to believe), and act like I truly care. When in reality, I am just wanting to hang up on them. Ahhh C'est la vie.