[ life:revisited 2010 + 1 ]

 Original Article

Sorry for the tasteless title but the story that backed this disturbing image made me want to throw up in my mouth.  Just for some reality perspective...there are 22.4 million people living with HIV in Sub-Saharan Africa, 12.65% percent of the United States is at or below the poverty line, Greece is 300 billion euros in debt, prostitution is only legal in one state and Santa ain't real....but somehow this fucking cat has a neurosurgeon, bio medical engineer and a full staff of veterinarians so it can compete with Col. Steve Austin.  For the love of Christ at what point in the history of man are we clearly going to get our heads out of our asses and act like we aren't going to be extinct in the next century....quite honestly we'd probably be doing the planet a favor!  P.S. this story made headlines on MSNBC and was the direct result of this animals inability to get out of the way of a Combine Harvester. 


P.S.S...the next time anyone is interested in blowing over 5K on some pussy, I wished they'd give a call and we can head out to the Ranch!

That's right bitch, read one. I need to. I feel if I watch too much tv, play too much WoW, or hang out on the interwebz too much, I feel like my insides are slowly pickling with collective stupidity that seems to plague commercial society. I need to really get the drive or discipline to start reading more again. The last good book I read, I was so enthralled by it, I am still trying to walk over to my desk, pick up the following book, and open it. That is how unmotivated I am. 


Most times, you get home from work, and you don't even want to look at another damn computer or piece of technology again for another 10 hours, but what do we do? We hop on Digg, WoW, HuffingtonPost, RedTube, etc.. and continue to bathe in the cool azure light of our LCD screens. I am not above this, in fact I am worst at it, since I will just stare at forums and emails all day, thinking they will morph into something magical, like some type of Bill Gates Unicorn or something. 


I would like to say that after I wrote this drivel, and sent an email saying I have posted on this blog (because I am a closet attention whore), that after I hit Enter, I got up, made an Earl Grey tea, and began reading some tome of knowledge while smoking a pipe.


Give you one guess what I did.

Its the weekend, got some buddies coming over to drink and WoW, and MacGyver is killing mother fuckers with his mind.

Shit's about to get REAL.

Its comical really, the more you think about a thing, the more you can draw similarities from inanimate or external objects that are metaphors for your own life. Take this picture of the earth. Crust, mantle and core. Sometimes I feel like my skin is the crust and my muscles and organs the mantle, keeping the core from ripping to the surface in a volcanic apocalypse.

I used to have a horrible temper. I wouldn't jump right into violence, but it usually wasn't far behind, especially if alcohol or some other diversion was around. But, as you get older, maybe not wiser;just more tired, these outbursts are more easily contained. I have been thinking about this as of late, of how I can take things (idiots harassing me, people being generally barbaric and completely ignorant everywhere I look) and not go supernova, it has to be apathy.

The realization of current events. Just knowing that things aren't going to change, people are just completely off kilter. Those harsh realizations are part of true adulthood. But I think its also as you get older, you stop trying to change that which cannot be changed. You start to ignore the things that bother you. The nagging and retarded co-workers and clients, the spousal insanity that all marriages harbor in spades, watching the news, reading news on the web, seeing how far the human race has fallen into decadence and ignorance. These things, just a few years ago, would place me on a bar stool with a small group around me, listening to me rant about how we have brought about our own demise, and possibly all of our legacy as a species will vanish like mist burning off the morning sea.

Now, for reasons I can't explain, there is a flip. I will begin down that road, and something will distract me. My wife, my dog, some retarded text from a friend, a funny cat picture, etc.. When that happens, the feeling doesn't go away, it just feels....less important. Like it just moves to the background, and vanishes back into the depths of my thoughts. I guess I should be thankful...

But I'm not sure I am.

Just a brief release on the Arizona Immigration Law trifling du jour.  The Mexican gov't has issued the following statement: the law “violates inalienable human rights protected by international legal provisions and the U.S. Constitution” — sent officials to meet with U.S. groups challenging the law to coordinate “protection and consular assistance” and to provide legal representation for Mexicans in the state, the Foreign Affairs Ministry confirmed. It said Mexico would defend the rights of any Mexican nationals in Arizona, “regardless of their immigration status.”   So let me get this straight, for years now Mexico has been flooding the south west, well lets be honest the entire damn country to levels that require spanish as a second national language without even a hint at repayments, negotiations for healthcare support but now that a law in one state is put in place to require a "citizen" (and I use that term loosely) to present identification at an officers request they are chiming in with support for their nationals???  I wonder if I could get away with shit like that here in Canada.  Time NAFTA is given a second look and the Minutemen get federal funding.

So yeah, 4am colo maintenance. Had to be up at 4:30 and out the door to make sure these trillion dollar servers don't shit themselves with no one watching. Didn't even get a chance to get coffee at Dunkin, had to settle for office coffee. 

So far so good, the maintenance gods have smiled upon us so far, but we won't really know until some users log on and begin to do what most users do best: fuck shit up up, all day everyday. So when they start coming in, in around an hour, we will know for sure.

Driving to work in off hours is always a weird experience, especially early in the morning. No one on the roads, its still pitch black, have to turn lights on at the office. When you are new like me, it just seems weird, like being taken out of your comfort zone for a little bit.Just being at a new job is strange enough, trying to get to know people, get into a groove oonce oonce, its just odd.

Well, I looked out the window and its sunny out now, so I had better go grab more office coffee, and enjoy the fact I will be out of here at like 1:30pm today, if the gods of the spinning electron will it so.

So, my first day unemployed. It started like any normal productive-ish day, only sans wife. The dog and I cleaned, did some dishes and laundry, enjoyed the nice, temperate western suburb weather. You, know, bonding. It was right after lunch, and my 7th episode of The Dresden Files on the Netflix stream to my PS3 that I had a wonderful idea.

How about I go buy some beer and/or whiskey.

However there are key parts of this epic poem I have left out. Firstly, and only partially, that I am.....

 FUCKING UNEMPLOYED. BY MY OWN CHOICE. WHY AM I BUYING LIBATIONS WHEN I SHOULD WORRY ABOUT THE BILLS?


I'll come back to that. Well, maybe I wont. The second thing is that I am wearing ratty ass old shorts, a sleeveless spandex shirt, and the equivalent of Crocs for my foray into the outdoors. Thirdly, I have basically cleaned and been productive for 45 mins, the other 4 hours were spent on the couch, then my wife when she came home made mac and cheese. So I have done little more than an overactive sloth for my first day, and I am contemplating purchasing alcohol. So I do what every responsible, unemployed, married man would do.

I bought beer AND whiskey. I would have bought some Norcos too, but they don't sell them OTC at Meijer.

So I went home and proceeded to get hammered, and that is about where I am right now, at 8:05pm, first day of unemployment. I also have an interview scheduled for tomorrow too. I am confident about my chances, and I also like to challenge myself by throwing a possible hangover in the mix. Why, you damn fool, you ask? Not really sure, but it sounded like fun.

Well, back to my binder, and quite possibly a few hour long stint with Fett in WoW. Be still my heart, maybe I should just ride this unemployment shit into the ground.

Yeah, and I'm a Chinese jet pilot.

[ Déjà vu (pronounced /ˈdeɪʒɑː ˈvuː/); "already seen"; also called paramnesia, from Greek παρα "para," "near, against, contrary to" + μνήμη "mnēmē," "memory") or promnesia, is the experience of feeling sure that one has witnessed or experienced a new situation previously (an individual feels as though an event has already happened or has happened in the recent past), although the exact circumstances of the previous encounter are uncertain. ]


So. Another post about starting over. I have had this feeling I have written about this shit before. As I languish, sick, in the house with the dog on the couch, and stare out into the bleak, rainy Western Suburb afternoon, I can't help but think that life is basically pattern recognition. Some freaking insane waveform that we get a glimpse of, or a feeling of, whenever we seem to be doing the right thing. I have quit another job, possibly starting another job closer to home, and I can't help but feel that humans are all just doing the same shit over and over and different times with varying responses. It's hard to crawl out of bed when you already have this feeling, like you already know the dialog, you know the dramatis personae, and all the situations that you have went through before. I think thats why I am able to read people and deal with things the way I do, because I can recognize patterns and peoples "tells" very easily. At the same time, I think I wear my heart on my sleeve wayyyy to much, and most of the time it ends up biting me right in the hindquarters. 


I am wondering if humans can every really break this pattern, or even if its possible to change it? I mean what if the pattern IS life in general? I mean life is basically just a method of reproducing itself, and trying to keep the most desirable traits in play. But how can we keep desirable traits in play if we keep doing the same shit? I mean I might be starting a new job, but it just feels like I have done this before, for similar reasons, in a previous time. I mean maybe I'm wrong, maybe I am just a little hungover, and I am looking at the world in the wrong way.


But it still feels like I've done this before.

My brain currently feels like a bowl of Cheerios.

So it took me a day or two to decide where I wanted to go first but after a prolonged one sided debate I choice a semi-political start. Thanks to the miracle or curse that is social networking I'm able to keep up with things on the home front but somethings never change. One of the first things I learned once I began my education at the University of Illinois was that it was a highly politically charged atmosphere with a diverse set of views that I felt was one of the hallmarks of the school in giving everyone a chance to speak. Little did I know that this would cause no amount of heartache for alumni, students, grad students, friends and family members alike.

Through my career I was always an avid Pro-Chief supporter, even more so in later years as a couple of close friends portrayed Chief Illinwek. I have always stood by the stand that the Chief was never a mascot but a symbol of the school and of the proud people that once inhabited our state.

Many people don't realize a couple of key facts. First the Fighting Illini team name was not meant to describe the Native American, it was adopted after World War I to help be a campaign driver for fundraising for the construction of Memorial Stadium to honor veterans from all wars from the State of Illinois, whose names to this day are still listed in the halls and on the pillars of the stadium. The Chief was used at half time of sporting events from 1926 until 2007 not as a mascot but as a symbol of the University. In 1995 it was passed into law that the symbol of the University of Illinois was to be Chief Illiniwek. In the years after student votes were taken to ask about retiring the Chief due to mounting critism from Student Groups and other orginizations. In all cases the majority of students (avg 73%) voted to retain the Chief as the symbol for the University.

In 2007 the NCAA stepped in and passed legislation that any schools that use "hostile and abusive American Indian nicknames" would be banned from comepeting in NCAA sanctioned competitions or hosting said events. Due to this pressure the U of I was forced to retire the Chief. Not because of the "democracy" of the students or from a change in state legislature but from an outside entity that applied "financial" pressure. Since 2/21/07 the Chief hasn't performed at any sporting events.

In the recent weeks the topic has reemerged yet again about changing the name of the athletic teams and give us a more "Politically Correct" team name. Also it has come to light that some of the advisors and board of trustees at the time for the U of I may have been part of the "clout" scandal that is still hanging over the University.

In my minor opinion this would be yet another in a long line of failures for this distinguished school. By getting rid of the name we lose a link not only to a past of bravery and sacrifice but of a history of what this country used to be. We also erase one more link to the people that inhabited this great country before we arrived and the history that is rich in ways we have yet to imagine. So once again we let democracy die. I guess the good of the few does out weigh the good of many. Just some random thoughts.

Hail to the Orange, Hail to the Blue.
Hail to the Chief

I would like to welcome the Jedi Knight Keyden to my blog, since there wasn't enough crazy on this blog, we needed another heavy hitter to bring the noise. Please give him the same ignorance and bullshit comments that I get. I expect no quarter fuckers.

Well it has been a while but I have been asked to dip my toe once again into the interwebs and participate in a brave act to defy social media. Yes the much awaited return to the blog because there are some things to be posted here that can't be handled by Facebook. As my first act I say thank you to Darkstar for giving me the chance to play in these waters yet again while I try to develop something as well. Stay tuned for more, grab a Goose Island 312 or a glass of wine and sit back and enjoy the show.

Well, I am officially taking the plunge, as in moving out of the city COMPLETELY. I am already located somewhere in the wild western burbs, but the time has come to quit my soul-strangling job, cut my commute by 90%, and see if I can't regain some of the sanity the previous job has taken from me. As you might have noticed, in my long-ass tenure as a "blogger", that i have had a long and decorated career of jobs that I have hated. I am completely content that a new job will be similar, but at least when I leave work at night, I will not have to sit on a train for hours next to smelly people who talk on cellphone like they are on the shitter alone. Wish me luck, O' faithful readers!

P.S. If you don't get my blog's title, clicky clicky here and turn up your speakerboxxxx, dawg.

Not sure even where to start sometimes. I have so many thoughts that encircle my brain, and I always think "Why don't I write that down?" But then its gone and I am moving on to the next frivolity or groundbreaking-already done-thing. Quitting my job. Why? Not only because I can't stand most of the people there, the commute, the industry, and maybe even the fact that I am going nowhere there, but the main reason is that I got complacent. I got comfy, and comfy sucks sometimes. Comfy doesn't always mean slow, but it means predictable, and when the weather is always predicted to be poop, well its time to change the scenery.

I know that this blog is mainly speaking into the ether, like the lone crazy person speaking to an empty room, not because he hopes someone will hear, but because he has to speak. He has to do this to filter his thoughts, or this man becomes some gibbering idiot that can't concentrate on a single task. I have enough issues doing that now. I wish I could end on some kitschy, slightly amusing joke or picture, but quite frankly I am going to end just like I started, sort of bland, and with a normal, forgettable subject and frame of mind.

This was taken roughly 2 minutes before I changed into a vampire demon werewolf sleeping drunk guy. I'm not even sure when this was taken, but it expresses my current emotion nicely.

The worst thing for me is seeing / hearing / experiencing shit that doesn't make any sense. I may have a temper, I may be rash at times, and I may even be slightly mentally imbalanced, but one thing I also am is, when lucid at least, logical. If you don't have any money, you don't go out and go nuts. If you have a shitty job, you look for another. I just get really frustrated when things get complicated and illogical at the same time.

This may be a major weakness, since the majority of my life is spent trying to fix the very situations that make me want to go all USPS on people.

I am about the easiest person to entertain ever, as well. I don't even really require light, I like indoors, halfway decent food, and a drink now and again. The internet, and decent conversation, as well as a good book and some good electronic music will win out over heavily social interactions any day, which also adds whip cream to the fury cake I am eating when a larger group of people make fools of themselves in general. I have cultivated a reputation in my circles as the crazy tough guy who will try to rip the lips off a rhino. Is that who I am? Maybe sometimes, but mainly I just want some peace, quiet, and simplicity. Is that too much to ask?

I am quite afraid to think that it just might be too much for me to ask for.

Bummer.

Well, I am trying to brew beer for the first time, and I am sure it will be perfect. Well maybe not. Its actually a pretty involved process, for those who haven'y google'd that shizz, its a lot of cleaning, cleaning, boiling, stirring, sprinkling, then hoping for about a month. I just actually finished the first part about 2 hours ago. So I have a while to figure out if I made bathtub whiskey, iced tea, swill, or something that might pass off as Coors Light.
But hey, it was fun! :) And I got to celebrate by having some tasty Sam Adams.

NINJA UPDATE 2.13.10 : Beer actually tastes pretty good, as it is non-carbonated, and still needs to be bottled. Kind of like a lighter Hoegaarden. More to come after I bottle in the next few days.

So I was on the Metra going to my crib, and shit, dawg, and like I was jamming out to some phat tunes on Pandora on my Blackberry. And shit.


So I have some pretty kick ass headphones, and I can jack up the volume pretty high, so I was having a great time, let me tell you. Then, for some reason Pandora decided to just start playing the song I was jamming out to at max volume out of the speakerphone on the Blackberry. 


The picture you see is what happened next.


Well, not really, it was more like a bunch of middle-aged businessmen and women looking at me with disdain, as if to say "What is the strange noise that has begun playing on my quaint train ride?" Cue me frantically trying to pause the music (which failed) and unplug and plug in my headphones (which failed the first time, then worked the second time) I sheepishly said "Sorry", and resumed my jam session in private. The picture is what happened in my mind, just somehow hoping this would turn into the most awesome music video in the world ever. But, alas, no strobe lights or hot rave chicks in wifebeaters getting all sweaty. No drugs either. :(


Well, at least tomorrow is Friday. Yay.

mood: pretty damn tired
beverage: ice water
weapon of choice: G4TV


There are not a whole lot of things on this earth better than pure, mind-numbing relaxation. Usually for me, during the work week, this will involve the television show Cops. I think the best thing about this show, other than car chases, fucking morons, and arrogant law enforcement, is the "Grass is Greener" factor. Right now, my job is tough, money is tight, and I am not going to get enough sleep. However, by the grace of God and my own intelligence, I am not being thrown on the grown while wearing MC Hammerpants, a wifebeater, 1 sock, while trying to jump a fence that is obviously wayyyyy too tall for any normal human to ascend. Its almost subconsicous I think, but watching other people that are worse off then you, most of them by their own decisions, I think it just makes a mundane day that much sweeter.

Does that make me an asshole? Maybe, but I'm not going to jail for meth. I'll take being the asshole.
Night all. :)

A phrase was coined recently (and it has been coined before, and will be again, because of the nature of this phenomenon) called the "Magic Scooter". This scooter exists in many different times and places in our continuum. It allows people to travel back and forth through time and space. Most of us have used this scooter to do many interesting things, but here are the catches: First, you never remember where you got on the scooter, and you don't remember where or when you got off of it. Secondly, after you get off, it vanishes to assist the next rider. Finally, it will only appear when you are intoxicated. 


This scooter has assisted many people in doing both great and terrible things. A friend of mine, lets call him Dr. Love, has woken up fully clothed in his kitchen after riding the scooter one night. Problem was his house was 45 miles away, and he did not drive home. No one can recall how he got home. The last time I rode the scooter I did not go far, only outside my apartment. But I woke up, partially clothed, sleeping on the sidewalk outside my apartment. At about 8:30 am. On a Tuesday. In Wrigleyville. The last memory I have was having a few beers at a bar down the street. These are just the stories I remember now, because this is also another small side effect of warping with this mystical moped, the events may not come back to anyone until many days, weeks, or even months later. 


Please remember, the Magic Scooter will at some point take you for a ride, or maybe it already has, and you are just now remembering it. Share these stories with me, and maybe I will post them, if they meet my demanding criteria. 

//drink = multiple whiskey homicides
//mood = indifferent
//weapon of choice = my own hands

Holy shitballs. It took me like 25 minutes to type this, mainly because of my sobriety level. I am not full of my normal ridiculuousness because i am intoxicated. Yay. Going to try to sleep now because I should. Metaphysical things can wait until the morrow.

...aaaaand its the same old song and dance. That's right interweb, L:R is back, new and improved, and still relatively unread. :) A few updates are in order. I am now happily married, with small dog and new place in the burbs, as the City of Chicago's Elite Rat Brigade forced my family out of our squalid 1 bedroom apartment in Lakeview. It was all for the best, as our new digs are much more comfy, larger, and decidedly sans rats. I am going to keep this particular post short, and let some select retards know about my resurgence. If you are reading this, and you can comment, then you are one of them. If you would like to become part of this cadre of morons, please email me at [darkstar_07 (at) hotmail (dot) com.] Adios muchachos, daddy has a whiskey playdate in Central IL. Maybe I will see you there.