03 April 2010
So. Another post about starting over. I have had this feeling I have written about this shit before. As I languish, sick, in the house with the dog on the couch, and stare out into the bleak, rainy Western Suburb afternoon, I can't help but think that life is basically pattern recognition. Some freaking insane waveform that we get a glimpse of, or a feeling of, whenever we seem to be doing the right thing. I have quit another job, possibly starting another job closer to home, and I can't help but feel that humans are all just doing the same shit over and over and different times with varying responses. It's hard to crawl out of bed when you already have this feeling, like you already know the dialog, you know the dramatis personae, and all the situations that you have went through before. I think thats why I am able to read people and deal with things the way I do, because I can recognize patterns and peoples "tells" very easily. At the same time, I think I wear my heart on my sleeve wayyyy to much, and most of the time it ends up biting me right in the hindquarters.
I am wondering if humans can every really break this pattern, or even if its possible to change it? I mean what if the pattern IS life in general? I mean life is basically just a method of reproducing itself, and trying to keep the most desirable traits in play. But how can we keep desirable traits in play if we keep doing the same shit? I mean I might be starting a new job, but it just feels like I have done this before, for similar reasons, in a previous time. I mean maybe I'm wrong, maybe I am just a little hungover, and I am looking at the world in the wrong way.
But it still feels like I've done this before.
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