[ life:revisited 2010 + 1 ]

So, I recently got a speeding ticket, w00t. I was on my way to Culvers for a Butterburger Apocalypse, and I was going 45 in a 30 in a big intersection. Looked over to my right down a small street, and there was the fuzz. As I flew by, I knew, I was fucked, and that feeling is the worst in the world, because in that instant, you know that you are gonna have to deal with the cops. So he pulls out, hits the lights, and I pull into a nice parking lot, to make it easier for the five-oh to read me my rights. And then tase me. Because I like that.

The first thing Mr. Tibbs tells me is that I am on video, so my immediate mental response is to turn around and wave 'Hi Mom!', but I didn't. He asks me how fast I thought I was going, and I told him what everybody tells the cops, like 5-7 mph lower then what I was actually hurtling down the boulevard at. That way you just look stupid, and not like the liar you are. He told me I was doing 46 in a 30, so I said 'ok', because you don't argue with firearms. He then asks for my license and insurance. Here's where my little party goes south. A little backstory, I have had a speeding ticket.....just about every year I have had my license. But I have went to the class, a.k.a. Satan's asshole after buffalo wings, so the ticket wouldn't go on my record. So I figured I was good this time, just another 4 hrs of wanting to hang myself with a cordless phone. Or so I thought.

I get out my license, only to get hit with a mental flashback of earlier this week...... of me throwing out my old insurance card, and NOT getting the new one from inside the house. FUCK. So I act like I am looking around for something that doesn't exist to make me look more pitiful, so maybe he will take it easy on me. I tell him I can't find it, and he goes into SUPER POLICE ROBOT MODE. In his best Robocop voice, he tells me that I now have a mandatory court date to show my proof of insurance(which is on my fucking counter) to a judge, or pay 200 bones. He then writes me the other ticket for 45 in a 30, which I find out you cannot take the class for. Wunderbar. So he writes me the tickets, takes my license(which I am sure has a special reserve box in the Law and Justice Center), and gives me a fucking form that he wants me to send in to the state asking me how the traffic violation stop was performed, and if it was satisfactory. I have not yet sent in this form, because I need to confer with my colleagues over a few pints the best way for me to fill out this piece of toilet tissue.

I respect the police, and I know I was doing something wrong, that I am cool with. But a friggin survey on how the traffic stop was performed? I mean, tell me if its just me, but aren't they kind of asking for abuse here? Well, when I get my response figured out, I will post it for posterity's sake. L8r.

P.S. The dancers are taking a break, they are here Mondays and Wednesdays, don't forget to tip your waitress.