14 December 2005
//*begin scatterbrained post*//
I have so much stuff on my mind. Does anyone ever feel like that? Like you should be doing so many other things than what you are doing, but when you actually try to do said other things, they are just not any fun? Case in point, I should be studying for my CCNA exam, to further my career in the harebrained world of EYE TEE. I know I should be reading, I know I should be consumed by the want for upward mobility, and self improvement. But as soon as I crack the book, I would rather just stare blankly at a website I have no interest in. I don't think its disinterest, and its not because I don't have any work ethic. I just don't want to do it.
Now, at first, I thought my minor addiction to WoW was to blame, because I could always log on and level, or go raid for gear, and that was entertaining. But lately, especially after last night, when we wiped a ton, and there was no real loot, I was kinda fed up. No offense the players, we were all on top of our game, we just did not have any luck with pulls. After I logged off, I started to think, "Why am I even playing this game" For those of you not familiar with WoW, loot and gear are pretty much the objective, and they enable you to fight harder monsters, gain rep, and do more things in game. Good gear is very hard to come by, just ask ole' happy time eddy. If you don't have prolly 4-6 hrs a night to grind, then you will not get very good gear. I just don't have that kind of time, but all my guildmates (people I play with) do have the time, and they have better luck than me. So I don't really have a whole lot of reason to play, but I do enjoy a lot of the game, and the storyline is great. But I just don't want to do it anymore, its just not as exciting. I hope this illustrates my point. Indecision and unsurety.
Now couple this with an insatiable thirst for knowledge about just about everything, from J.R.R Tolkien to Trent Reznor, CCNA to carpentry and masonry, and you have my scatterbrained psyche, trying to become good at all things, and just being......average. I don't like being average. So that just about covers how I feel, I have all these projects, and yet no time to do what I really want to do. And the shitty part is, I am not even sure what I really want to do. I know nobody really reads this, but to those who do, go easy on me, my brain is squishy. I just had to vent about this, any suggestions?
//*end scatterbrained post*//
Hmm. I understand your desire to know everything about nothing. My dad seems to know something about everything. Ok, well almost everything. I envy that. I think you learn certain things as they come along. Carpentry and Masonry are not something that everyone learns about ahead of time, especially since they don't have to. Most people learn about building something as they do it. My dad learned about woodwork, electric wiring, masonry, etc from his dad while he was working on his first house. His dad learned from his dad. They all learned it as it happened. Get a couple of construction type books someday and when the need to build something comes around, you can reference the book and apply what you read.
There was a point in time that I felt like I wanted to know everything too. I wanted to quit computers and get into construction since I might feel like I have accomplished something at the end of the day. You could actually see a product that you made with your own hands. Eventually I got past this and found something else to build. Grant it, I don't build models enough, but I can set them aside and know that they will be there when I get time. You don't get the feeling of being left behind unlike WoW. It gives me +100 to patience, dexterity, and I feel like I have something to show for it. Some say, "Models are toys." Opinion. In my opinion it's nowhere near a toy. You're trying to recreate something that is in real life, but smaller. It's an artform that takes practice and time to develop. You can build small cars, trains, tanks, planes, even dioramas with houses and scenes. Plus, if you want to get really crazy like me, you get to learn a lot about history by researching what you want to make. Sometimes the history is even more fun than the actual process of making something.
Now you don't need to go out and get a model and build it, but maybe you need a hobby that will have something in the end that you can put on a shelf in a room and see it in person. Something concrete. It could be clay, plastic, metal or whatever. Hell, there is a place downtown that teaches stained glass making. Now there is a lost artform that you can make some money off of too of you get good enough at it. Not many stained glass repair shops around.
Anyways, the world isn't full of jack of all trade types of people. It's not possible. Hell, our economy was developed from specialization. Find one thing that you want for your career. Make everything else your hobby or something you need out of necessity, like building a room or whatever it might be. It will help reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed and make your quality of life better for you and those around you... I think... Well, hopefully.
I really don't think that anyone our age has it all figured out yet. No, I'm positive that this is the case. Even those who seem like they are doing exactly what they're good at still have that little tiny idea in the back of their mind. For now let's call it the 'What If..' idea. What if I do this, what if I do that, you all know how it is. These thoughts are completely natural. They derive from the beauty of life: Options.
Now if you don't except that all these wonderful options exist or you set yourself on a time limit eventually, you end up racking your brain into a spin cycle of doubt, dismay and pessimism. Obviously that's not the road you want to be on, unless your Scott Stap.
It's very easy to forget that we are indeed really not that old especially with how fast the world works. Everyday hustle and bustle and before you know it your in bed again hearing the alarm go off. Our parents didn't have as much pressure as society has put on us. They took their time and did the things that made them happy. Not to contradict myself but they also didn't have as many options as we have either. 50 years ago your job wasn't even thought up yet. 10 years ago my major wasn't even considered realistic.
I guess what I'm getting at is that you must take your time. Think about Henry David Thoureau and how he seperated himself from culture as a whole. Sounds stupid but it's actually pretty brilliant. Don't let society control your decision making or give you a time limit because once you do that your putting your brain on society's schedule. A schedule that will never stop changing it's pace, ideas and even taboos. Take your time brother because if you don't your going to spend the rest of your life doubting yourself and hating everything you have ever done.
On a side note, I'd like to say how good it is to know that you really want to sponge up everything you can. There are not many like us. That's why they have 4 to 6 hours to play every night in case you were curious.
I like Annas advice. But dont worry - we all have those moments. Just dont make your moments turn into a lifestyle. :) Thats all. Nothing too elaborate. TGIF!!!
Amanda