[ life:revisited 2010 + 1 ]

I am currently eating some Hostess chocolate-frosted doughnuts. They are ok. Man work is just horrible today, slooooooowwwwwww.
Time to drink my gallon of coffee and try not to do anything productive. That'll be a challenge. Hopefully I can hide from the stupid people that will inevitably call and make me explain how to pour a cup of milk. Man I just wanna go home and crawl back into my warm covers and get back to sleep. Feeling inspired now?

Yep. Thats all there is to say. No depressive statements, no political reveries, no hyped up comedy. Just good night. I wish good sleep to those I love and cherish. I wish solace and calm to the most turbulent of people, and I wish emotion and fire to the people that are calm. I wish to all, not health and love to those I care for, not death and sorrow to those I hate, I wish equilibrium would find us all. Because after the time I have had, equilibrium is exactly what I am looking for. It is truly a mad world in which we live, and if we don't somehow figure out what is truly wrong, we are just as doomed as the dinosaurs. I love to think that I am enlightened, but I am in the trenches, just like everyone else.

To Zero and RedHead, I love you both, and you are the epitome of love, and your luck makes me sick :). To Liberal, I wish calm, and I want to tell you, you are never alone. To Goo, I wish to see you soon, and I cherish the time we had in college, it was beyond great. To Girlly, I will love you until the last breath I have escapes my lungs, you are truly what has kept me alive. I will never be able to repay you for what you have done for me. To the Wookie, thank GOD you can drive here, because without you and the army guy, I would be committed. To Shirt, I miss you, more than anything in this world. And to Carney. Carney. You have been my heart, and my conscience, you are truly the finest man I have ever known, and you are truly gifted, and I am lucky to have had the pleasure of knowing you. For you are the only man that knows me.

To those I have missed, I have not missed you, because you have never left my thoughts. The people in my life that have kept me alive, I love you all. It has been a rough 25 years, but for the first time, EVER, I feel sad, but I feel like I am going to truly survive, and make something of the life I have. It is a mad world we live in, and without the connection we all have, we would not be anything. We are more than the sum of our parts. We are truly what makes this world worth living for.

Darkstar.

P.s. And for Tim. I know you will never read this, but the effect you had on my life is so profound, that you will never understand it. The times we had were truly blessed, and I hope you find peace, somehow. You were the soundtrack of my life, and the way things were will be truly missed.

So, I turn out the light, and close another chapter. Live your life, and never question love. Good night.

Santa gave me VD for Xmas. WTF?

Hah. I always liked this picture. So I have the majority of the shopping done, just have shop for the super special woman in my life, and then I am done. Praise be to Jim-Bob, the brother of Christ (Obscure Robin WIlliams reference). I don't know about anyone else, but Xmas funds were super low this year, so I had to resort to actual creativity and manufacturing in my presents, making candles and gift baskets for the Moms and Step-Moms. They look pro, but they only cost like 15-20 ber basket, so that helped.

Today is pretty slow at the HellDesk, I assume because most of those that could leave did exactly that, leaving the slavering lackeys in the offices to call and bug me. But its the holidays, so I am not putting firebombs in their stockings, so I am actually solving issues without instructing the user to open the window and throw the device out.

New Years should be pretty damn fun, got a friend I haven't seen in a while flying in from Arizona, and the Jack shall flow like beer, shall flow like wine. Delicisioso.

Well, to make a long post short, I hope all my faithful readers have a great holiday season, and I will see most of you on New Years Eve.

//*begin serious post*//

Ok kids, here's the deal. It's explanation time.

This blog is intended to be a creative outlet for yours truly. Nothing more, nothing less. I may say some asinine, even repulsive statements, may express views that aren't for the light of heart. But the truth is, this is supposed to be funny, and interesting to read. Sometimes my political views are argued in comments, sometimes my anger will get away from me, just like any of us. To say it plainly, I am not going to strangle anyone, or even ever hurt anyone or myself. The posts that involve statements as such are there for me to vent my frustrations on the continued idiocy of the human race that I seem to be a magnet for. I deal with this frustration by posting here. If you don't like what I say, don't read it. I apologize for effects my posts have on people, but I do not apologize for writing it, because that is my right. That's just about all I have to say, except if you want sunbeams and rainbows all the time, go here and knock yourself out. If you want to laugh, and possibly explore some parts of the inexplicable human psyche, and most likely see me do some ridiculous shit, you have come to the right place. Don't take any of this seriously, you will go just as nuts as me.

Regards,

Darkstar

//*end serious post*//

searching dictionary.......result found.

WRATH - (räth), n.

1. Forceful, often vindictive anger.
2. Divine retribution for sin.
3. Belligerence caused by wrongdoing.

Oh if ole' Brittanica only knew the half.

So. As you can surmise from the above definition, I am bloody hacked off today. I have had just about all I can stand from people yelling at me for something that is their fault, but they are too asinine to realize it is their fault, so they have an attitude. Now I see why people stalk the cubicle-choked out offices of their workplace with an AR-15, looking for the person that stole their red swingline stapler. Furthermore, I am tired of people questioning my intelligence and judgement, when my intelligence far exceeds their protozoan psyche. If my big words hurt your head, go lay down and take an aspirin. Better yet some cyanide, and chase it with some Clorox. You fucking tosser.

......sorry. Well, not really.

So, I am going to do the only thing that any devious person who is vengeful and intelligent enough to hide the bodies would do, and that is going out to dinner with my "religious" side of the family, just to make sure my morality is down the fucking tubes. Then I am going to the local pub and downing scotch until I can't remember where I hid the bodies. Could this get any better? Might as well drop a bleeding cow with dynamite strapped to it, into a piranha infested lake, that is about to be hit by a low yield thermonuclear device. Sorry, more big words. In other words, someone shall be utterly destroyed this evening by the fiery wrath of an angry god, and I shall be its avatar.

Translation, I am getting pissed this evening and stomping something into non-existence.

So, if you see me out tonight, and I have some poor snot's throat in my hands, and I am doing my best to ensure that oxygen shall never again reach his brain, do what any good friend would do. Go find my god-damned shovel. Toodles.

//*begin scatterbrained post*//

I have so much stuff on my mind. Does anyone ever feel like that? Like you should be doing so many other things than what you are doing, but when you actually try to do said other things, they are just not any fun? Case in point, I should be studying for my CCNA exam, to further my career in the harebrained world of EYE TEE. I know I should be reading, I know I should be consumed by the want for upward mobility, and self improvement. But as soon as I crack the book, I would rather just stare blankly at a website I have no interest in. I don't think its disinterest, and its not because I don't have any work ethic. I just don't want to do it.

Now, at first, I thought my minor addiction to WoW was to blame, because I could always log on and level, or go raid for gear, and that was entertaining. But lately, especially after last night, when we wiped a ton, and there was no real loot, I was kinda fed up. No offense the players, we were all on top of our game, we just did not have any luck with pulls. After I logged off, I started to think, "Why am I even playing this game" For those of you not familiar with WoW, loot and gear are pretty much the objective, and they enable you to fight harder monsters, gain rep, and do more things in game. Good gear is very hard to come by, just ask ole' happy time eddy. If you don't have prolly 4-6 hrs a night to grind, then you will not get very good gear. I just don't have that kind of time, but all my guildmates (people I play with) do have the time, and they have better luck than me. So I don't really have a whole lot of reason to play, but I do enjoy a lot of the game, and the storyline is great. But I just don't want to do it anymore, its just not as exciting. I hope this illustrates my point. Indecision and unsurety.

Now couple this with an insatiable thirst for knowledge about just about everything, from J.R.R Tolkien to Trent Reznor, CCNA to carpentry and masonry, and you have my scatterbrained psyche, trying to become good at all things, and just being......average. I don't like being average. So that just about covers how I feel, I have all these projects, and yet no time to do what I really want to do. And the shitty part is, I am not even sure what I really want to do. I know nobody really reads this, but to those who do, go easy on me, my brain is squishy. I just had to vent about this, any suggestions?

//*end scatterbrained post*//

(Drums)

Luau!

If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meat,
Eat my buddy Pumbaa here because he is a treat!

Come on down and dine,
On this tasty swine,
All you have to do is get in liiiiiine!

Aaaare you achin'
Yup, yup, yup!
Foooor some bacon?
Yup, yup, yup!
Heeee's a big pig!
Yup, yup!
You could be a big pig too!

Oy!

Drink: Goose Island Honkers Ale
Soundtrack: Queen & David Bowie - Under Pressure
Weapon of Choice: These wonderful things

So I have finally calmed down a tad, from helping everyone and their mothers with their computers. I think I may have just been taking it too personal, and I guess worried about my "reputation" as a techie. And I still have plenty of issues to work thru, but I am not nearly as stressed about it as I was before. So that's one more stressor I can take off of my fucking list.

The wedding was awesome this weekend. The reception and ceremony were wonderful. I know they will never read this blog, but I congratulate the newlyweds, and wish them my best. Chicago traffic was about as easy as jerking off a rhino with a pair of pliers, but we got through it. Some lady found out the hard way that if you try to get out of the car without putting it in park does spell disaster. Whoops. Looks like the Volvo needs to hit the shop. That and driving all around the city with another IPASS, and then trying to scam the parking garage that I had only been there for a day, when I had been there for 3 days, was pretty tiring. Did walk into the W hotel on Adams (super posh hotel and bar) and get a beer bottle lobbed at me for no reason. So, in very un-me like fashion, I turned around, walked out, and went to 7eleven, picked up a 10$ 6 pack. Buddha would have been proud. I was like the MacGyver of the wedding party though, on little missions for everyone, had to videotape the ceremony, take pictures, find stuff, hold babies, and make nuclear devices out of ink pens. But It was still pretty fun to feel like I was part of it.

It's my girlfriend's birthday this weekend, so that will be a fun, and much less costly weekend. For any of you that are around in Bloomington, come down and have a few cocktails with us. I'm sure she would love it. The Bears continue to astound and yet aggravate the hell out of me, when the defense can crush things, and then as soon as Orton gets his little mitts on the ball, he screws us.

Haven't been able to play much WoW lately, been so busy. It kinda sux, but I am reclaiming my life a bit, haha. Well, what a random ass post. Hope everyone has a great holiday season so far, got all of my decorations up (well I was working, Amanda did most of the work since she played hookie) Well, more to come in the future.

Drink: Warm Cherry Coke
Soundtrack: Sasha - Boileroom
Weapon of Choice: Mayonnaise?

This image is from a webcomic called Megatokyo, you should really check it out, the art and story is superb. I hope they don't sue me for using the pic.

The first snow of the year always makes me feel....I'm not sure, kind of unfinished. Like I am missing something, and I am purposely just passing it by. It feels kind of like I am just skimming my life today, I'm really just not fully there. I just watch the snow fall, and I feel calm, but not complete. I have control of all my faculties, and my problem solving and analytical skills are on par, but my thoughts just seem to lack substance. I just don't feel like anything is really that important. The normal fervor of the Communications Center is muted, like listening to the TV while falling asleep. Nothing is life shattering, and everything seems endless. I just turn and look out the window and see snow silently falling on all of the objects in my sight. Watching snow fall makes me kind of sad for some reason, hence the picture (Sad Girl in Snow, Copyright Fred Gallagher).

I think if I were a poet, I would write a forlorn verse today, if I were an artist, I would paint something depressingly inspired today, if I were a musician, I would play a haunting jazz riff today. I think snow sometimes becomes a muse for us. I feel oddly inspired to do something aesthetically pleasing, but despondent at the same time.

I have a wedding all weekend, which I am sure will be made more picturesque by having snow in it's downtown Chicago location. I think this is the only time I am actually looking forward to something that makes people in Chicago drive even worse just to make the moment more complete. Hah. It's times like this where you tap a mental foot. Life seems to slow down, even though you know they are moving full speed. It's an oddly amiable, yet crestfallen mood.