[ life:revisited 2010 + 1 ]

So, my first day unemployed. It started like any normal productive-ish day, only sans wife. The dog and I cleaned, did some dishes and laundry, enjoyed the nice, temperate western suburb weather. You, know, bonding. It was right after lunch, and my 7th episode of The Dresden Files on the Netflix stream to my PS3 that I had a wonderful idea.

How about I go buy some beer and/or whiskey.

However there are key parts of this epic poem I have left out. Firstly, and only partially, that I am.....

 FUCKING UNEMPLOYED. BY MY OWN CHOICE. WHY AM I BUYING LIBATIONS WHEN I SHOULD WORRY ABOUT THE BILLS?


I'll come back to that. Well, maybe I wont. The second thing is that I am wearing ratty ass old shorts, a sleeveless spandex shirt, and the equivalent of Crocs for my foray into the outdoors. Thirdly, I have basically cleaned and been productive for 45 mins, the other 4 hours were spent on the couch, then my wife when she came home made mac and cheese. So I have done little more than an overactive sloth for my first day, and I am contemplating purchasing alcohol. So I do what every responsible, unemployed, married man would do.

I bought beer AND whiskey. I would have bought some Norcos too, but they don't sell them OTC at Meijer.

So I went home and proceeded to get hammered, and that is about where I am right now, at 8:05pm, first day of unemployment. I also have an interview scheduled for tomorrow too. I am confident about my chances, and I also like to challenge myself by throwing a possible hangover in the mix. Why, you damn fool, you ask? Not really sure, but it sounded like fun.

Well, back to my binder, and quite possibly a few hour long stint with Fett in WoW. Be still my heart, maybe I should just ride this unemployment shit into the ground.

Yeah, and I'm a Chinese jet pilot.

[ Déjà vu (pronounced /ˈdeɪʒɑː ˈvuː/); "already seen"; also called paramnesia, from Greek παρα "para," "near, against, contrary to" + μνήμη "mnēmē," "memory") or promnesia, is the experience of feeling sure that one has witnessed or experienced a new situation previously (an individual feels as though an event has already happened or has happened in the recent past), although the exact circumstances of the previous encounter are uncertain. ]


So. Another post about starting over. I have had this feeling I have written about this shit before. As I languish, sick, in the house with the dog on the couch, and stare out into the bleak, rainy Western Suburb afternoon, I can't help but think that life is basically pattern recognition. Some freaking insane waveform that we get a glimpse of, or a feeling of, whenever we seem to be doing the right thing. I have quit another job, possibly starting another job closer to home, and I can't help but feel that humans are all just doing the same shit over and over and different times with varying responses. It's hard to crawl out of bed when you already have this feeling, like you already know the dialog, you know the dramatis personae, and all the situations that you have went through before. I think thats why I am able to read people and deal with things the way I do, because I can recognize patterns and peoples "tells" very easily. At the same time, I think I wear my heart on my sleeve wayyyy to much, and most of the time it ends up biting me right in the hindquarters. 


I am wondering if humans can every really break this pattern, or even if its possible to change it? I mean what if the pattern IS life in general? I mean life is basically just a method of reproducing itself, and trying to keep the most desirable traits in play. But how can we keep desirable traits in play if we keep doing the same shit? I mean I might be starting a new job, but it just feels like I have done this before, for similar reasons, in a previous time. I mean maybe I'm wrong, maybe I am just a little hungover, and I am looking at the world in the wrong way.


But it still feels like I've done this before.