[ life:revisited 2010 + 1 ]

Beverage: H2O, and the Cherry Coke from yesterday :(
iPod Track: Pharcyde - Runnin
Weapon of Choice: My angst and expiring contract.

Remember when we grew up a long time ago? (Well, some longer than others, lol) What is the most you remember about being say 13? 17? 21? Think about it for a second.

Year 13: I remember playing outside all the time when I was young, just screwing around with friends on my block, riding bikes, just being hooligans, but not the bad ones. Just stealing chrome tire air caps, and playing football on the school fields. Never really wondered what I was going to be, but I was always good with electronics and Construx. So I would build stuff like air ducts to direct the A/C to actually blow on me at night, and manufacturing devices that would give people little jolts if they tried to open my bedroom door without asking. Still getting rides to school, and playing junior league football, feeling about as uncool as possible compared to the "High Schoolers". My goal was to have as much fun as possible, and be cooler.

Year 17: Started getting into computers a bit, and following my electronics heritage, I overclocked my first IBM PS2 33Mhz, and forgot to cool it, got a new one under warranty after it went kaput. :) Remember just driving around in the Cougar, thinking smoking was cool, doing just ok in my classes, enough to get by, and still have enough time to play Tecmo Super Bowl III on SNES, and Final Fantasy 7 (eventually) on the PS1. Thought about becoming a script/ storyline writer for RPG video games, or even (gasp) work for a computer manufacturer. How improbable!!! There was this service called AOL that I used, and got my Dad's acct canceled for "phishing" others acct info. Just had to pay the extra usage charges, and no criminal charges were filed. Hack the planet!! (Thank god that isn't nowadays, or I would be in the Penn) My goals at the time were to have fun, and try to lose my virginity (that came next year).

Year 21: Big move to ISU was complete about 3 yrs ago, in a fraternity with no dough except what my measly job at the food court brings me, and when the fam shells out the scratch. Went to C-U a lot to visit the manchild that would evolve into the Underdog, and listened to a lot of good DJs. The thing I remember most about my 21st B-day is that when I bought 2 kegs and hard alcohol, there was like 4 people there. I went to my room for a sec to play more music, came back out, and there was like 100 people there. It was interesting. My PII 300Mhz was running my school apps and C++ programming stuff interestingly, since most of the code wasn't even mine (whoops, degree revoked x_x) Was hoping at the time to get out of college before I was 30, and work as a network administrator for a semi-large company. By goals at the time was to have as much fun as I could, and try not to crash my car.

Interesting how things change. And how fast, and with such magnitude.

Year 25: I now work for an IT staffing firm at a large insurance company doing troubleshooting for their workstations, and I am underpaid (like I am the only one). I work M-F, and I have a new car, a nice place, good friends, a great girlfriend, and I am still unhappy. I thought tech work would be my field, thought it would carry me into the next years of my life, making enough money to get by, but nothing extravagant. How much more wrong could I be? I don't want a million dollars, I just want enough to pay my bills, and maybe go on a cruise every year with the gurl. I don't want Escalades and ice, just enough to pay on my Altima and get a Ring Pop every once in a while. Now I am moving to the city, and I don't even know if I want to pursue the IT field. I don't have many choices, since I need income to pay for the things I have, and IT is what I have experience in. So I know how much I need to survive, I just have no idea what I want to do. I used to be good at building things, so maybe I should go into construction contracting. Rewarding work right, but money? Advancement? My goals.....I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE!!

I'm tired of having no direction and no luck in my life. I don't want to be uber successful, I just want to have my head above water more than one friggin week. I am tired of hearing my parents say "I am only 25" when half of the 25 year olds and similar ages I know are in semi good jobs with good security, and have an idea of what they want to do. I am just tired of not being content, and doing what I don't want to do, seemingly all the fucking time. I want a job that is tolerable, not fun, just ok to work at, enough to know that it is a friggin job. I know there are people in this world that are worse off than me, to a degree that should make me guilty posting this type of rant. But my life is MINE, I can relate to those others, and I know things could always be worse, but I can't go thru my life thinking that I should just settle because "things can always get worse".

Well, there hadn't been any crazy posts for awhile, so you all knew this would happen. Enjoy, I guess....